It was not an artistic impulse only that had brought Mallard to Italy,
after three years of work under northern skies. He wished to convince
himself that his freedom was proof against memories revived on the very
ground where he had suffered so intensely. He had put aside repeated
invitations from the Spences, because of the doubt whether he could
trust himself within sight of the Mediterranean. Liberty from
oppressive thought he had long recovered; the old zeal for labour was
so strong in him that he found it difficult to imagine the mood in
which he had bidden good-bye to his life's purposes. But there was
always the danger lest that witch of the south should again overcome
his will and lull him into impotence of vain regret. For such a long
time he had believed that Italy was for ever closed against him, that
the old delights were henceforth converted into a pain which memory
must avoid. At length he resolved to answer his friends' summons, and
meet them on their return from Sicily. They had wished to have him with
them in Greece, but always his departure was postponed; habits of
solitude and characteristic diffidence kept him aloof as long as
possible.
Evidently, his health was sound enough. He had loitered about the
familiar places in Naples; he took the road by Pompeii to Sorrento, and
over the hills to Amalfi; and at each step he could smile with
contemptuous pity for the self which he had outlived. More than that.
When he came hither three years ago, it was with the intention of doing
certain definite work; this purpose he now at last fulfilled, thus
completing his revenge upon the by-gone obstacles, and reinstating
himself in his own good opinion, as a man who did that which he set
himself to do. At Amalfi he had made a number of studies which would be
useful; at Paestum he had worked towards a picture, such a one as had
from the first been in his mind. Yes, he was a sound man once more.
Tempestuous love is for boys, who have still to know themselves, and
for poets, who can turn their suffering into song. But to him it meant
only hindrance. Because he had been a prey to frantic desires, did he
look upon earth's beauty with a clearer eye, or was his hand endowed
with subtler craft? He saw no reason to suppose it. The misery of those
first months of northern exile--his battling with fierce winds on sea
and moorland and mountain, his grim vigils under stormy stars--had it
given him new strength? Of body perhaps; otherwise, he might have spent
the time with decidedly more of satisfaction and profit.
Let it be accepted as one of the unavoidable ills of
humanity--something that has to be gone through, like measles. But it
had come disagreeably late. No doubt he had to thank the monastic
habits of his life that it assailed him with such violence. That he had
endured it, therein lay the happy assurance that it would not again
trouble him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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