On arriving at Monte Carlo Irene had developed, on account of the strong
sea air, a slight rash on her face. Having just at that time been very
particular about her appearance, she had applied to a doctor, who had
given her a lotion composed of a solution of sublimate, with the warning
that it was a strong poison, for external application only. Irene had
prepared the solution each evening, in readiness for use the following
morning, and a glassful of it was now standing temptingly on her table.
She approached. In her imagination she saw frightful tortures and frantic
pains.
“Nonsense, nonsense,” she whispered to herself encouragingly. “Are you
such a coward? What are a few hours of physical pain compared to the
unbearable mental sufferings which, with your tiresome good health, might
last another forty years! And however cruel your sufferings have been
till now, at least you had some faith in God, in His miracles and His
power. What would life be like now, when even this last straw of comfort
has been taken from you?”
Irene shuddered. Struggling with the animal instinct of “Life at all
costs,” she alternately stretched out her hand towards the glass, and
withdrew it again. Suddenly a strange thought came into her mind.
“Could it be that Nature, foreseeing the possibility of her having
children by Gzhatski, and finding it necessary to protect these future
children from inheriting her moral disease, from suffering, from leading
useless, miserable lives and spreading darkness and despair along their
path, had purposely sent her out to see the sun rise that morning, and
was now hurrying her to drink the glass of poison?”
A strong feeling of resentment accompanied this thought.
“But why such tender solicitude for these unborn creatures?” thought
the unfortunate girl, “and such cold, cruel indifference to me and my
sufferings?”
And she felt inclined to upset the glass, throw away the tempting poison,
and live on, just to spite Nature.…
There was a knock at the door.
“Irene Pavlovna, are you still asleep?” Gzhatski’s gay voice resounded in
the passage. “Do get up and come out! It is a glorious morning, just like
the one Fett[3] sings about. Do you remember?
“‘I have brought to thee a greeting
From this rosy summer morn;
Come! the golden hours are fleeting.…’”
The blood rushed to Irene’s head.
“He is gay and happy!” she thought. “In whose arms has he gleaned this
joy?”
And such an insufferable sense of insult and of irony conveyed itself to
her mind through Gzhatski’s light-hearted greeting, that with a sudden
impulse she seized the glass and swallowed the poison in one draught.
The door opened, and Gzhatski entered.
“Oh! you are quite ready!” he exclaimed. “Why didn’t you answer? There
I stood, like a Spanish hidalgo, declaiming at your door! What is the
matter? Why do you look so tragic?”
Irene looked at him in silence, and crossed her arms on her chest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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