"I don't believe it. I can't. You wouldn't have done it. It's I
you're promised to. Haven't I your word? Haven't you been kind as an
angel to me when the others would have let me die out here like a dog?
What did you do it for if you didn't care?"
"I was sorry," and then with cold, measured slowness, "and I felt
guilty."
"That's it--you felt guilty. It's not your doing. You've been led
away. While I've been sick that devil's been poisoning you against me.
He's tried to steal you from me. But you're not the girl to let him do
that. You'll come back to me--the man that you belong to, that's loved
you since the day we started."
To her at this naked hour, where nothing lived but the truth, the
thought that he would take her back with the other man's kisses on her
lips, made her unsparing. She drew back from him, stiffening in
shocked repugnance, and speaking with the same chill deliberation.
"I'll never come back to you. It's all over, that love with you. I
didn't know. I didn't feel. I was a child with no sense of what she
was doing. Now everything's different. It's he I must go with and be
with as long as I live."
The hideousness of the discovery had been made the night before. Had
her words been his first intimation they might have shocked him into
stupefied dumbness and made him seem the hero who meets his fate with
closed lips. But hours long he had brooded and knew her severance from
him had taken place. With the mad insistance of a thought whirling on
in fevered repetition he had told himself that he must win her back,
urge, struggle, plead, till he had got her where she was before or lose
her forever.
"You can't. You can't do it. It's a temporary thing. It's the desert
and the wildness and because he could ride and get water and find the
trail. In California it will be different. Out there it'll be the
same as it used to be back in the States. You'll think of this as
something unreal that never happened and your feeling for him--it'll
all go. When we get where it's civilized you'll be like you were when
we started. You couldn't have loved a savage like that then. Well,
you won't when you get where you belong. It's horrible. It's
unnatural."
She shook her head, glanced at him and glanced away. The sweat was
pouring off his face and his lips quivered like a weeping child's.
"Oh, David," she said with a deep breath like a groan, "_this_ is
natural for me. The other was not."
"You don't know what you're saying. And how about your promise? _You_
gave that of your own free will. Was it a thing you give and take back
whenever you please? What would your father think of your breaking
your word--throwing me off for a man no better than a half-blood
Indian? Is that your honor?" Then he was suddenly fearful that he had
said too much and hurt his case, and he dropped to a wild pleading:
"Oh, Susan, you can't, you can't. You haven't got the heart to treat
me so."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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