Except for the dull roar that came up and the clang of an occasional
footstep along the hallways, it was so still and pleasant that the need
to shoot himself seemed for the minute less insistent. It would have to
be done sooner or later, but when it comes to suicide, even a few
minutes’ respite is something. He could have done the thing right there
and then by the window, where the few people within hearing would have
run to him at sound of the shot. If the shot didn’t kill him, they would
keep him from firing another. Publicity, distasteful in itself, might
lead to ineffectuality.
He must find a lavatory, and so began walking up and down the corridors,
looking at doors discreetly placed in corners. When he came to his
objective, it was locked. Again it was reprieve. The same door would be
on other floors, but he was not ready for the moment to forsake his
shelter. It was true that at any minute Flynn and Jackman might emerge
from the lift, but there were nearly thirty chances that if they had
followed him so closely they would not select this landing. Even more
were the chances that they had not seen him slip into the building at
all.
Fevered and thirsty, he stooped to drink at the fountain crowning the
head of a little bronze woman with a pair of dolphins on her shoulders.
She seemed to be of Maya type, and a uniformed guardian had once told
him that a great modern sculptor had molded her. With a difference in
dolphins, she was repeated on every floor, forever diademed in water.
Teddy’s mind had so far suspended operation as to his immediate plight
that he went back to the morning, seven or eight months previously, when
an errand from Mr. Brunt had brought him into the great ground-floor
atrium, revealing the Basilica Julia or the Basilica Emilia of _Ancient
Rome Restored_ right there in lower Broadway. Simplicity, immensity, the
awesome beauty of mere form! The wide spaces, the mighty columns, the
tempered white light of majestic Roman windows! The absence of striving
for effect! The peace, the restfulness, the cheerfulness, when striving
for effect are abandoned, dwarfing the magnitude of crowds and reducing
their ebbings and flowing to mere vanity! Like Jennie with her emotions,
like Pansy with her intuitions, Teddy had no words for these
impressions; but the Scarborough tradition, nursed on _Ancient Rome
Restored_, vibrated to their music.
"And here I am, trapped like a rat in a hole!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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