British -- Italy -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; Female friendship -- Fiction; Italy -- Fiction; Love stories
Mr. Wilkins was very kind, and she had, she saw, misjudged him in
Hampstead, and this was the real man, ripened like fruit by the
beneficent sun of San Salvatore, but Rose did want to be alone. Still,
she was grateful to him for proving to her that though she might bore
Frederick she did not bore everybody; if she had, he would not have sat
talking to her on each occasion till it was time to go in. True he
bored her, but that wasn’t anything like so dreadful as if she bored
him. Then indeed her vanity would have been sadly ruffled. For now that
Rose was not able to say her prayers she was being assailed by every
sort of weakness: vanity, sensitiveness, irritability,
pugnacity—strange, unfamiliar devils to have coming crowding on one and
taking possession of one’s swept and empty heart. She had never been
vain or irritable or pugnacious in her life before. Could it be that
San Salvatore was capable of opposite effects, and the same sun that
ripened Mr. Wilkins made her go acid?
The next morning, so as to be sure of being alone, she went down, while
Mr. Wilkins was still lingering pleasantly with Mrs. Fisher over
breakfast, to the rocks by the water’s edge where she and Lotty had sat
the first day. Frederick by now had got her letter. To-day, if he were
like Mr. Wilkins, she might get a telegram from him.
She tried to silence the absurd hope by jeering at it. Yet—if Mr.
Wilkins had telegraphed, why not Frederick? The spell of San Salvatore
lurked even, it seemed, in notepaper. Lotty had not dreamed of getting
a telegram, and when she came in at lunch-time there it was. It would
be too wonderful if when she went back at lunch-time she found one
there for her too. . .
Rose clasped her hands tight round her knees. How passionately she
longed to be important to somebody again—not important on platforms,
not important as an asset in an organisation, but privately important,
just to one other person, quite privately, nobody else to know or
notice. It didn’t seem much to ask in a world so crowded with people,
just to have one of them, only one out of all the millions, to oneself.
Somebody who needed one, who thought of one, who was eager to come to
one—oh, _oh_ how dreadfully one wanted to be precious!
All the morning she sat beneath the pine-tree by the sea. Nobody came
near her. The great hours passed slowly; they seemed enormous. But she
wouldn’t go up before lunch, she would give the telegram time to
arrive. . .
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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