British -- Italy -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; Female friendship -- Fiction; Italy -- Fiction; Love stories
He was bewildered, but he still could kiss. It seemed curiously natural
to be doing it. It made him feel as if he were thirty again instead of
forty, and Rose were his Rose of twenty, the Rose he had so much adored
before she began to weigh what he did with her idea of right, and the
balance went against him, and she had turned strange, and stony, and
more and more shocked, and oh, so lamentable. He couldn’t get at her in
those days at all; she wouldn’t, she couldn’t understand. She kept on
referring everything to what she called God’s eyes—in God’s eyes it
couldn’t be right, it wasn’t right. Her miserable face—whatever her
principles did for her they didn’t make her happy—her little miserable
face, twisted with effort to be patient, had been at last more than he
could bear to see, and he had kept away as much as he could. She never
ought to have been the daughter of a low-church rector—narrow devil;
she was quite unfitted to stand up against such an upbringing.
What had happened, why she was here, why she was his Rose again, passed
his comprehension; and meanwhile, and until such time as he understood,
he still could kiss. In fact he could not stop kissing; and it was he
now who began to murmur, to say love things in her ear under the hair
that smelt so sweet and tickled him just as he remembered it used to
tickle him.
And as he held her close to his heart and her arms were soft round his
neck, he felt stealing over him a delicious sense of—at first he didn’t
know what it was, this delicate, pervading warmth, and then he
recognised it as security. Yes; security. No need now to be ashamed of
his figure, and to make jokes about it so as to forestall other
people’s and show he didn’t mind it; no need now to be ashamed of
getting hot going up hills, or to torment himself with pictures of how
he probably appeared to beautiful young women—how middle-aged, how
absurd in his inability to keep away from them. Rose cared nothing for
such things. With her he was safe. To her he was her lover, as he used
to be; and she would never notice or mind any of the ignoble changes
that getting older had made in him and would go on making more and
more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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