The Tapster of our Inn, when he found me any time at leisure, would commonly imploy me in attending his Guests, drawing Drink, and so forth; I seldom went into the Cellar, but I would be sure to drench my throat; for I thought I had wronged my Mouth, if I had missed one time, by which means he could not but catch me sometimes; at first he took little notice, but finding me to make it a common practice, every time he so caught me, he made my ears pay for the injuries my mouth did him; but one time above the rest, he did beat me in the Cellar so unmercifully with a Hoop-stick, that after it I thought I needed at least twenty of them to keep my ribs together: the continual pain this beating put me to, did also rack my inventions in studying how I might be revenged of him: I could find no other way but this; observing the Tapster to be very laxative, I went and consulted the House of Office, and found the middle Board to be suitable and serviceable to my purpose; for by loosing of but two or three Nails I could make it turn _topsy turvy_, like a Trencher with a Tub of water to catch Mice withal; but I I plumm’d the depth of the Vault, and found it in Golden Oar not above a yard in depth; finding that I should not hazzard his life by this enterprize, and having a brave opportunity to drink that night, (there being great store of Guests in our House) I swallowed so much for joy that my project would take, that my eyes were _miskie_: however all being abed, and I the last up, resolved to be the first in the morning to prevent others from dropping into the Pit-fall; knowing well from former experience that our loose Tapster would be the early, and first handseller of this design. At length growing exceedingly drowsie, I fell asleep under the Manger, a wonder to me since, that the Horses by treading on me, had not spoiled my face, or some other part: about four of the Clock in the Morning I was awakened out of my sleep, by an exceeding Griping of my Guts, and found a great pronness to go to Stool; the fumes that ascended from the excess of Drinking Ale the night past, had not only intoxicated my Brain, but for that time so depraved my memory, that I remembred not any thing of the Trap I had laid for the Tapster; wherefore to obey Natures commands, I ran hastily into the House of Office, with my Breeches in my hands, and treading on the Board, it slipt up, and in I dropt.