The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, and Other Extravagants: The Fourth PartHead, Richard
General
The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, and Other Extravagants: The Fourth Part
Head, Richard
Rogues and vagabonds -- England -- Fiction
_As I laid hold on all opportunities to fill my belly, so some I
studied;_ as for Example, _twice or thrice a week we had a baked
pudding; I bought me a little dish about the bigness of a Porringer, and
out of the Pan I would fill it, a fruitful Pudding to have always a
young one at the side on’t. The Dow which I commonly carried to the
Bake-house, never went home so much in the Loaf, for I seldom failed to
have a Cake out of it; both which I practised so long till my Aunt found
me out, and soundly bang’d me for so doing. For these, and such like
faults I was so often and so unmercifully beaten, that I was resolved to
be reveng’d on her. One day she being invited abroad, I was resolved to
be even with her at home in this manner, One pair of stairs she had a
stately Dining-room, wherein there was a Cup-board on which (being
spread with a very fine cloath) stood variety of all manner of curious
Glasses, such as she valued above her Plate, and took great delight in
them, being prouder of shewing those to her guests, than some are in
appearing in a fine new Gown to their Sweet-hearts. These I was resolved
should fall down to my revenge, and be crusht a pieces by the weight of
my indignation and fury; but before I would begin to act this doleful
Tragedy, I went, and made all things ready; that is to say, I took a
large Spannel that we had, and leading him to the Street dore, I ran out
into the middle of the Street, calling him after me; he followed me, and
I led him a dance so long, till he had dirtied himself sufficiently,
then going in adoors, I stole up softly the back-stairs, and the Dog
following me into the Dining-room; then did I take his feet, and make
them imprint the form thereof on the Cloth; having so done I pull’d the
cloth, and down came the Glasses to the Floor, and by the fall not one
of them escaped; this being done, I got into the next Room, and crept
underneath the Bed; the fall of the Glasses soon came to the Ears of
those that were below, who coming up, found none in the Room, but the
Dog, and seeing the print of his claws in the Cloth, ne’re examined the
matter farther, but to work they went with him, who wanting words to
justifie his innocence, escaped the punishment by flight; whilst they
pursued him, I stept down the stairs, without being known to have a hand
in the Plot, how my Aunt resented this sad accident, I will give those
leave to judge, that ever had the like loss._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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