The Exclusives (vol. 2 of 3)Bury, Charlotte Campbell, Lady
General
The Exclusives (vol. 2 of 3)
Bury, Charlotte Campbell, Lady
Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"Should I be justified," he asked himself,
"in the steps I am proposing, without further
proofs of Adeline's inconstancy? My surmises
perhaps have ground sufficient, but something
more than surmise is due to her. It is true,
I am told I shall never be happy with her,"
(and he shuddered as he repeated the words
to himself); "but I very much doubt if ever I
can be happy without her. My own conduct,
too, lately--what has it been? Has it not
carried with it proofs of coldness and neglect?
Why should I expect to receive that constant
and ardent devotion, which I have shewed no
anxiety to retain; and what, on my part, has
occasioned this passive indifference? Has it
not been a growing partiality for the society
of another--and was _this_ Adeline's fault?"
He dwelt on this idea for some moments, and
his self-reproaches were painful. Then again
he thought, allowing that all is as it was
between us, that she loves me in _her_ way,
and I her in mine, is that enough to constitute
lasting happiness? "_No, it is not._ I
should loathe the insipid homage of daily
duties pointedly fulfilled, and weary of a mind
which had not sufficient energy to think for
itself. If I saw that my wife did not enter,
from a similarity of tastes, into my occupations
and pursuits, I should feel no satisfaction
in her doing so to oblige me; and I certainly
have already observed, that Adeline's habits,
and even her principles, have led her to a life
of monotonous tranquillity and insipid cares."
And here again Lady Hamlet Vernon's words
recurred to him with tremendous power.
Would it not then, after all, be more noble to
set her free from an engagement, which
would fail in producing the happiness
that they both had been led to expect? He
mused with painful intensity as his thoughts
rested on this idea; but in the exercise of
analyzing, comparing, and combining these
various views of his situation, his mind was
imperceptibly drawn to the single subject
productive of them--his early attachment to
Adeline; and he fell into a comparatively calm
reverie--that species of calm, which dwelling
upon _one_ feeling generally produces, after the
mind has been tossed about in various contending
conflicts. His youthful and first affections,
together with all the awakening recollections
of early tenderness--the development of their
mutual passion, ere yet they knew they were
destined for each other--the happy prospect
of bliss which had succeeded--all, all recurred
to him, and revived the dying glow of attachment
in his breast. He took out her picture
from his writing-desk--gazed at the well-known
features, yet thought he had never
before been aware of their full and perfect
charm, that union of intelligence with purity
which is supposed to constitute the being
of an angel, that perfect candour, mingled
with quick perception, which this portrait
conveyed, and conveyed but feebly in comparison
with the original,--set the seal to his
conviction, that no one could prove to him
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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