_Patty_ (_reading_). "At the sound of that voice musically voluminous as the sighing of the October gale in the lofty branches of mountain hemlocks, Araminta Augusta Violetta sprang to her feet, and, dashing the embroidery-frame to the floor with a crash that shook the ancient edifice, gave one terrific, yet ecstatic scream of joy, and sank fainting into the arms of her own fond Felix Frederick Freelove." Oh! isn't that splendid? Oh! why wasn't I born in those barbaric days, when knights and squires, and milk-white steeds, and high-born ladies, pranced about, like the grand entry of a magnificent circus? Oh! why wasn't I a barbarian? And such love-making! (_Reads._) "Beauteous damsel, with eyes of azure blue, hear, oh, hear the vow of your own true knight! I will cleave yonder mountain from summit to base with one blow of my trusty cimeter, ere one tear of grief shall find its way adown thy gently-arching nose:" oh, beautiful, beautiful! There are no barons now. Who ever hears such language as that in these plebeian times? Even old Mr. Graylock, fond as he is of his young wife, never allows his ecstasy to rise above the utterance of "My dear, you're looking well, remarkably well." And Mrs. Graylock has nothing more romantic on the end of her tongue than, "Hubby, don't be gone long. I do get so sleepy when you're away!" Oh, the world's degenerating! there's not the least doubt of it. There's John Bounce, who tries to make love to me; and precious bad business he makes of it too, forever dropping his _h_'s, and sticking them where they don't belong. I'm determined to reform him, or he shall bounce about the world without a wife, though, as he says, his 'art _h_is given to me _h_alone. (_Enter_ BOUNCE R.) _Bounce._ 'Illo, Patty! _h_all by yourself, 'ay? Where's the master and missus? _Patty._ Still at table, Mr. Bounce, daintily toying with the dessert of their luxurious repast. _Bounce._ My _h_eyes, Patty! what _h_elegance of _h_expression! _Patty._ It's a pity Mr. Bounce, your language is not better seasoned with polite pronunciation. _Bounce._ My _h_eyes, Patty, 'ave you been drinking? _Patty._ Sir! _Bounce._ You talk just for _h_all the world like the fellows that master used to 'ave 'ere to dine afore 'e was 'itched to the new missus. They were dreadful free _h_and _h_easy spoken until the wine came _h_on, and then they couldn't find words _h_expansive enough to _h_express their _h_ideas. _Patty._ Mr. Bounce, no more of such language. It is time that you and I understood each other. I believe you wish me, at some not very distant period, to become your bride? _Bounce._ Yes: _h_i _h_expect to make you Mrs. Bounce. _Patty._ _H_expect? Why should you? _Bounce._ Why, Patty? 'Aven't _h_i _h_offered you my 'art _h_and 'and? _Patty._ And—and what? _Bounce._ My 'art _h_and 'and. Don't you _h_understand _h_it?