_Ralph_ (_sits at table_; ALICE _leans on his chair_; MRS. G. _stands_ L. _of table_). Yes; proceed. _Mrs. G._ "I, Simon Graylock, being in sound mind and body"—(_Bell rings._) Hark! that's he. Don't mind. Write. _Ralph._ "Sound mind and body." _Mrs. G._ "Hereby bequeath to my dearly-beloved friend, Ralph Cheeny"—(_Bell rings violently._) _Ralph._ "Beloved friend, Ralph Cheeny." Go on. _Mrs. G._ "My affectionate niece, Alice Chase"—(_Bell rings violently._) _Ralph._ "Alice Chase:" that's you, Ally. Go on. _Mrs. G._ "To have and to hold, as his lawful wife, from this day forth and forevermore. And to this union I give my consent, and subscribe my name." That's all. He has stopped ringing. (_Dog barks._) _Mr. G._ (_outside_). Hero, Hero, old boy, don't you know your master? (_Dog barks. Shouting._) _Mrs. G._ He's getting into the garden: he will soon be here. We must retire. _Ralph._ But what is it all about? _Mrs. G._ Ask no questions. Let me arrange that paper. I will turn the writing underneath, leaving a blank space for his signature. (_Dog barks._) _Mr. G._ Clear out, you brute! There goes my coat! Murder! help! _Ralph._ Shall I run to his assistance? _Mrs. G._ Not for the world! Come this way. I will explain all. [_Exeunt_ R. _Then enter, hurriedly_, L., MR. G., _his hair and beard dyed black, one coat-tail, torn off, in his hand_.] _Mr. G._ Confound that dog! He has decidedly curtailed my enjoyment. (_Holds up coat-tail._) Is it possible I am so transformed as to become a terror to my own terrier? Where is everybody? Doors locked, windows fastened, and nobody to let me into my own house! A pretty state of affairs, truly! No matter: I have gained an entrance, and now for a good surprise. (_Takes hand-mirror from table._) What a change! The Simon Graylock of twenty-five takes the place of the Simon Graylock of fifty. Glorious! Won't I make a sensation? I can see my wife's look of astonishment and pleasure. I can hear her rapturous "O Simon, you beauty!" Eh? what's that? (_Turns to_ L., _as_ JOHN BOUNCE _enters, locks the door, and stands with his rifle at_ "_present_.") Well, what's the matter? Eh! what's that? (_Turns_ R., _as_ PATTY _enters, locks the door, and stands with a broom at_ "_present_.") What's the meaning of this? _Bounce._ Silence! Not _h_a sound! not _h_a, step! Sh—! _Patty._ Silence! Not a look! not a breath! Sh—! _Patty and John_ (_together_). If you move, if you speak, you are a dead man. Sh—! _Mr. G._ Why, John! Patty! you idiots! don't you know your master? _Patty and John_ (_together_). Master! you! Ha, ha, ha! _Mr. G._ Now stop that duet, or out of this house you go without warning. Unlock those doors, and call your mistress.