The ExplorerMaugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
General
The Explorer
Maugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
British -- Africa -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
could he offer of anything he said? Walker had been killed on the same
night as George, poor Walker with his cheerfulness in difficulties and
his buoyant spirits: his death too must be laid to the charge of George
Allerton; Adamson had died of fever. Those two alone had any inkling of
the truth; they could have told a story that would at least have thrown
grave doubts upon Macinnery's. But Alec set his teeth; he did not want
their testimony. Finally there was the promise. He had given his solemn
oath, and the place and the moment made it seem more binding, that he
would utter no word that should lead Lucy to suspect even for an instant
that her brother had been untrue to the trust she had laid upon him.
Alec was a man of scrupulous truthfulness, not from deliberately moral
motives but from mere taste, and he could not have broken his promise
for the great discomfort it would have caused him. But it was the least
of the motives which influenced him. Even if George had exacted nothing,
he would have kept silence. And then, at the bottom of his heart, was a
fierce pride. He was conscious of the honesty of his motives, and he
expected that Lucy should share his consciousness. She must believe what
he said to her because he said it. He could not suffer the humiliation
of defending himself, and he felt that her love could not be very great
if she could really doubt him. And because he was very proud perhaps he
was unjust. He did not know that he was putting upon her a trial which
he should have asked no one to bear.
He stood up and faced Lucy.
'What is it precisely you want me to do?' he asked.
'I want you to have mercy on me because I love you. Don't tell the world
if you choose not to. But tell me the truth. I know you're incapable of
lying. If I only have it from your own lips I shall believe. I want to
be certain, certain.'
'Don't you realise that I would never have asked you to marry me if my
conscience hadn't been quite clear?' he said slowly. 'Don't you see that
the reasons I have for holding my tongue must be overwhelming, or I
wouldn't stand by calmly while my good name was torn from me shred by
shred?'
'But I'm going to be your wife, and I love you, and I know you love me.'
'I implore you not to insist, Lucy. Let us remember only that the past
is gone and that we love one another. It is impossible for me to tell
you anything.'
'Oh, but you must now,' she implored. 'If anything has happened, if any
part of the story is true, you must give me a chance of judging for
myself.'
'I'm very sorry. I can't.'
'But you'll kill my love for you.'
She sprang to her feet and pressed both hands to her heart.
'The doubt that lurked at the bottom of my soul, now fills me. How can
you let me suffer such maddening torture?'
An expression of anguish passed across his calm eyes. He made a gesture
of despair.
'I thought you trusted me.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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