The ExplorerMaugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
General
The Explorer
Maugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
British -- Africa -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
_I am delighted that you will return in the nick of time for the
London season. You will put the noses of the Christian Scientists
out of joint, and the New Theologians will argue no more in the
columns of the halfpenny papers. For you are going to be the lion
of the season. Comb your mane and have it neatly curled and
scented, for we do not like our lions unkempt; and learn how to
flap your tail; be sure you cultivate a proper roar because we
expect to shiver delightfully in our shoes at the sight of you, and
young ladies are already practising how to swoon with awe in your
presence. We have come to the conclusion that you are a hero, and
I, your humble servant, shine already with reflected glory because
for twenty years I have had the privilege of your acquaintance.
Duchesses, my dear boy, duchesses with strawberry leaves around
their snowy brows, (like the French grocer, I make a point of never
believing a duchess is more than thirty,) ask me to tea so that
they may hear me prattle of your childhood's happy days, and I have
promised to bring you to lunch with them, Tompkinson, whom you
once kicked at Eton, has written an article in Blackwood on the
beauty of your character; by which I take it that the hardness of
your boot has been a lasting, memory to him. All your friends are
proud of you, and we go about giving the uninitiated to understand
that nothing of all this would have happened except for our
encouragement. You will be surprised to learn how many people are
anxious to reward you for your services to the empire by asking you
to dinner. So far as I am concerned, I am smiling in my sleeve; for
I alone know what an exceedingly disagreeable person you are. You
are not a hero in the least, but a pig-headed beast who conquers
kingdoms to annoy quiet, self-respecting persons like myself who
make a point of minding their own business._
_Yours ever affectionately,_
_Richard Lomas._
Alec smiled when he read the letter. It had struck him that there would
be some attempt on his return to make a figure of him, and he much
feared that his arrival in Southampton would be followed by an attack of
interviewers. He was coming in a slow German ship, and at that moment a
P. and O., homeward bound, put in at Gibraltar. By taking it he could
reach England one day earlier and give everyone who came to meet him the
slip. Leaving his heavy luggage, he got a steward to pack up the things
he used on the journey, and in a couple of hours, after an excursion on
shore to the offices of the company, found himself installed on the
English boat.
* * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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