"Mistaken in my own child, whom I carried in my arms as a little baby?
No, my dear; there are some things about which mothers can never be
mistaken, God help them! Do you think I did not understand when the
carriage came round to-day to take her and Alan to return Lady
Patchingham's visit, and Felicia said, 'Mamma won't go with us to-day,
Alan dear, because the wind is in the east, and it always gives her a
cold to drive in an open carriage when the wind is in the east'? Oh! I
saw plain enough that she didn't want me to go with them to Lady
Patchingham's; but I only thanked her and said I would rather stay
indoors, as it would be safer for me. When they had started I went out
and looked at the weather-cock for myself; it pointed southwest." And
the big tears rolled down faster than ever.
Elisabeth did not know what to say; so she wisely said nothing, but took
Mrs. Herbert's hand in hers and stroked it.
"Perhaps, my dear, I did wrong in allowing Felicia to marry a man who is
not a true believer, and this is my punishment."
"Oh! no, no, Mrs. Herbert; I don't believe that God ever punishes for
the sake of punishing. He has to train us, and the training hurts
sometimes; but when it does, I think He minds even more than we do."
"Well, my love, I can not say; it is not for us to inquire into the
counsels of the Almighty. But I did it for the best; I did, indeed. I
did so want Felicia to be happy."
"I am sure you did."
"You see, all my life I had taken an inferior position socially, and the
iron of it had entered into my soul. I daresay it was sinful of me, but
I used to mind so dreadfully when my husband and I were always asked to
second-rate parties, and introduced to second-rate people; and I longed
and prayed that my darling Felicia should be spared the misery and the
humiliation which I had had to undergo. You won't understand it,
Elisabeth. People in a good position never do; but to be alternately
snubbed and patronized all one's life, as I have been, makes social
intercourse one long-drawn-out agony to a sensitive woman. So I
prayed--how I prayed!--that my beautiful daughter should never suffer as
I have done."
Elisabeth's eyes filled with tears; and Mrs. Herbert, encouraged by her
unspoken sympathy, proceeded--
"Grand people are so cruel, my dear. I daresay they don't mean to be;
but they are. And though I had borne it for myself, I felt I could not
bear it for Felicia. I thought it would kill me to see fine ladies
overlook her as they had so often overlooked me. So when Alan wanted to
marry her, and make her into a fine lady herself, I was overwhelmed with
joy; and I felt I no longer minded what I had gone through, now that I
knew no one would ever dare to be rude to my beautiful daughter. Now I
see I was wrong to set earthly blessings before spiritual ones; but I
think you understand how I felt, Elisabeth."
"Yes, I understand; and God understands too."
"Then don't you think He is punishing me, my dear?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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