The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“Yes, that you were in love with Paule Guibert.”
He let fall the arm that was leaning on his and asked in a changed
voice:
“Who told you that?”
Pale and speechless she uttered an inarticulate sound, as if she saw
the ruined fragments of her happiness lying at her feet.
She was beaten by the magic of a single name and that name, in a mad
aberration, she must needs have uttered herself! It was enough to see
Jean’s face to understand the extent of her defeat, and in a rage at
the shattering of her dream she made her error worse.
“That haughty little creature knew how to fascinate you, with her
airs of a foreign princess. I had my doubts about her. She has been
arranging this affair for a long time, I wager. She is mad, like all
old maids in search of a husband. Go to her. She will know how to
manage you!”
Restored as he was to his right mind by his temptress herself, Jean
looked at her sadly because of her grace, mercifully because of her
passionate heart. And it was in a gentle voice that he answered her
insults.
“Isabelle, forgive me. It lay with you in those old days to share my
life. And you saw this evening how weak I was and how powerful you
were. It is not worthy of you to speak as you did. In the name of our
dead love, Isabelle, be generous.”
With all the thoughtfulness of lovers, he asked for a woman’s sympathy
while telling her he loved her no longer.
But she protested no further. The heaving of her bosom revealed her
inward distress, she accepted defeat and abandoned herself to it. Her
failure had found her unprepared. Too long she had anticipated the joy
of victory. Her girlish flirtation had changed into a deep, sensual
passion, more prone to the extremes of hope and despair than skilled in
the subtleties of sentimental diplomacy.
They were alone on the balcony. The crowd had passed into the theatre,
where Iphigenia, the priestess, veiled in red draperies, was making
ready to perform the blood-sacrifice.
Isabelle looked down on the foyer, whose size seemed immeasurably
enlarged by its emptiness. She put her two hands to her throat as if
she were choking and at last lifted her eyes towards Jean, who was
looking sadly at the distress on her lovely face. She was suffering so
intensely that no base or wicked thoughts stirred him any longer.
“Jean,” she sighed in a faint, hardly audible voice, “you are right. No
woman is more worthy of your love. You will be happy, and I shall be
most unhappy.”
She could say no more, but bending down took the young man’s hand and
pressed it to her lips. He felt a tear upon it, and as she drew herself
up he saw that her face was streaming. But she had already partially
recovered herself and she smiled faintly.
“Are those pearls, Jean?”
“Your tears are a thousand times more precious.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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