The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
Isabelle, less aggressive now, amused everybody including even her
enemy. Alice, seated between Marcel and Armand de Marthenay, tried
to make herself agreeable to both of them, though showing as usual
considerable reserve. When they left the table she forgot the bouquet
of cyclamen, which she had worn in her belt in the afternoon. Marcel
promptly seized it. The girl noticed this.
“Will you give it to me?” he asked, but his voice was scarcely that of
a suppliant. However, he added, “You thought so little of it that you
left it behind and the flowers are quite faded already.”
She did not answer, but she smiled and blushed. In her smile he read
her preference.
Marcel left first, to get back to Le Maupas early and not to cause his
mother needless worry. The night was so lovely that, getting out at the
station at Chambéry about 10 o’clock, he thought he would walk home. It
was but two miles of a flat country along an avenue of plane-trees and
up a little wooded hill.
He walked quickly, inhaling from time to time the still fresh scent of
the cyclamens. As he neared Le Maupas in the twofold darkness of the
night and the trees he could see just a few stars, which shone through
the leaves, their brightness augmented by the dark dome of the heavens.
Greedily he breathed the fresh, balmy air. He inflated his chest and
felt a new thrill through his whole being.
Was he in love? He did not know yet. But the sight of a young girl had
been enough to revive all his youthful fire.
A memory suddenly came to him. He felt that he was transported back
to Algiers some years ago. It was one of those never-to-be-forgotten
nights of the East, with their dark skies, their warm, soft breezes.
Alone on horseback he was riding slowly through the bush, when suddenly
his horse stopped. Round him he could see only the silhouettes of a
few stunted shrubs. Neither pats nor spurs had any effect; the animal
refused to move and his body trembled. Was there some living thing in
the shadow beside them? In the dead silence of the dark and deserted
plain some invisible presence made itself felt. But even in the face
of this mysterious peril, from which there was no escape, he did not
feel afraid. On the contrary, he felt conscious of all his strength and
energy.
With a violent effort he forced his horse forward until it galloped
away into the darkness. And he never knew if the animal had shuddered
at some imaginary fear or if they really had passed within reach of
death....
Why should this memory come back to him at this hour? He lived through
the same strange feelings of that night of long ago. As then, he
guessed at an unknown danger; he could not tell if it were a future of
joy or of sorrow that was awaiting him. But he felt all his power now
as he did then. He put his hand to his breast, inhaled deep breaths of
the soft, fragrant night air, and drew himself up to his full height;
then intoxicated with hope and pride he began to run.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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