The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“Jean,” she said, “my dear Jean, I am not worth much and you think even
less of me. To please you I would face any danger ... and even Mrs.
Grundy!”
“Above all Mrs. Grundy, if you will.”
“But I do mean it. Ah, if you wished it, I would go to the end of the
world with you!”
“Without luxuries?” he asked, giving a sceptical smile.
And with a nervous laugh, which showed all her white teeth, she
answered:
“As naked as a babe!”
They both shivered at their own reckless talk.
He was filled with sadness at the sight of this lovely form, whose
beauties he could so well imagine; while she, just about to enter the
married state as one might throw oneself over a precipice, felt a kind
of voluptuous faintness at thus treading on the brink.
He was silent, but in his tense features she read her own power. She
even dared to take his hand and said, in Italian to hide her boldness,
“_Io vi amo_.”
And Jean forgot about Marcel and the rendez-vous. But his nature was
really refined, loyal, and almost reserved, despite her influence upon
it because of her expressed admiration for him and her own fascinating
allurements. And so, in love as he was for the moment, he did not say
the words that Isabelle was hoping to hear.
“So you would give up Monsieur Landeau for me?” were his words.
She thought him rather dense, and concluded hastily that his
impertinences were only external and his boldness mere bravado. But he
pleased her the more for that. She herself retained in that passionate
heart of hers a certain childishness, which was touched to sympathy by
the unexpected virtue which she found in him. But she promised herself
to play a much more important part in the drama. Soon recovering from
her surprise, she answered:
“I should give up nothing at all. Why should that middle-aged man stand
in our way?” And again she laughed, an ambiguous laugh. He understood,
and in spite of himself he blushed--which annoyed her.
Behind the plants they saw Alice get up. The girl crossed the
drawing-room wide-eyed, as though she were walking in her sleep. She
was wearing a white linen dress, which suited her fair beauty. Isabelle
took in the details of the toilette like an inventory. Made cruel by
her inspection, she murmured: “That stuff was expensive and the cut is
perfect. Could you offer me anything like that after the ceremony?”
He came back to realities and blamed himself inwardly at having shown
such stupidity.
“On my pay?” he asked.
“What do you think? I adore glitter.”
“All that glitters is not gold.”
“That’s true. There are such things as diamonds and precious stones!”
Rather scornfully he agreed:
“Yes, everyone turns away from life and tries to forget it. Your
mother has her dog, my uncle his roses and you--your dresses. Love
comes afterwards, as best it can.”
“At last, Jean, you are learning wisdom!”
With a lightened heart he took up the subject of his plan again.
“Then you will keep the secret that you will guess to-morrow?” he asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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