The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
The terrified Alice put her hand on her heart. Her first thought was to
fly, but her legs were weak and her breath was gone.
“Stay, do stay,” said Marcel in a grave, pleading voice, which she did
not know. “Forgive my boldness. I am going away to Algiers and I wasn’t
brave enough to leave without seeing you once again.”
“Ah,” she said, pale and trembling. “What will my mother say?”
Her mother was only her second thought, but he imagined it her first
and frowned jealously. However, he went on with the same tender
assurance.
“Alice, I have come to tell you that I love you. Paule told me that
you loved me. Is it true? I want to hear it from your own lips.”
He saw her tremble and put her two hands to her throat as if she were
choking. Her cheeks were colorless and her eyes looked down unseeing on
the dead leaves which strewed the path. The oak-branches swayed in the
wind with a mournful clash. A pink glow in the sky, appearing through
the straight columns of the ancient trees, announced the end of the day.
Her voice was like an infinitely tender plaint as she murmured, “I
cannot tell you.”
It was her avowal, the only one she thought permissible.
Touched to the heart, Marcel looked with new eyes on this frightened
child, who, only a few feet away from him, a white shawl round her
shoulders, stood out like a ghost under the dome of trees. Her long
lashes drooped over her blue eyes. Behind her through the branches
he saw the setting sun like a huge conflagration, the dark trunks of
the oak-trees outlined against it. And the shades of the leaves were
glowing and sinister, like gold and blood.
“Alice,” he said again, “if you love me as I love you, promise you will
be my wife.”
At last she looked up in the young man’s proud face and understood How
much he had gone through for her, and her eyes were wet.
“I cannot ... Marcel ... My parents....” he could say no more--her
tears spoke for her. He came nearer and took her hand. She did not draw
it away.
In a firm, compelling voice he continued:
“Don’t be unhappy, Alice. You will gain their consent. Be brave and
strong enough to wait; time will help us. I only ask you to be patient.
I shall do great things for you. I am setting out on an expedition to
Africa. I shall win you, my beloved.”
In alarm she begged him not to go, her fears betraying her love.
“No, no, I won’t let you, I won’t let you risk your life. Ah, if
you--loved me, you would not go.”
“I am going because I love you, Alice.”
“You don’t know me,” she cried. “I am afraid--I am afraid of
everything. I am a poor little wretch. Oh, my head is so heavy!”
She laid her free hand first on her forehead and then on her bosom.
“My heart is so heavy,” she murmured in a low voice.
“Alice,” he said passionately, “don’t be afraid. I love you, I will
protect you.”
And bending down he touched with his lips the little trembling hand
that he had kept in his own. His kiss thrilled her. She sighed.
“Let us go back. This is not right.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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