“The Two Hundred and Seventy--all I could get from you, as you reminded
me yesterday, so that I had to give up the rest It was my idea,” she
went on--“it was my idea.”
“To bleed me quite to death?” Oh, his ice was broken now!
“To make you raise money--since you could, you _could_. You did, you
did--so what better proof?”
His hands fell from what he had touched; he could only stare--her own
manner for it was different now too. “I did. I did indeed--!” And the
woful weak simplicity of it, which seemed somehow all that was left him,
fell even on his own ear.
“Well then, here it is--it isn’t lost!” she returned with a graver face.
“‘Here’ it is,” he gasped, “my poor agonised old money--my blood?”
“Oh, it’s _my_ blood too, you must know now!” She held up her head as
not before--as for her right to speak of the thing to-day most precious
to her. “I took it, but this--my being here this way--is what I’ve made
of it! That was the idea I had!”
Her “ideas,” as things to boast of, staggered him. “To have everything
in the world, like this, at my wretched expense?”
She had folded her arms back again--grasping each elbow she sat firm;
she knew he could see, and had known well from the first, what she had
wanted to say, difficult, monstrous though it might be. “No more than
at my own--but to do something with your money that you’d never do
yourself.”
“Myself, myself?” he wonderingly wailed. “Do you know--or don’t
you?--what my life has been?”
She waited, and for an instant, though the light in the room had failed
a little more and would soon be mainly that of the flaring lamps on the
windy Parade, he caught from her dark eye a silver gleam of impatience.
“You’ve suffered and you’ve worked--which, God knows, is what I’ve done!
_Of course_ you’ve suffered,” she said--“you inevitably had to! We have
to,” she went on, “to do or to be or to get anything.”
“And pray what have I done or been or got?” Herbert Dodd found it almost
desolately natural to demand.
It made her cover him again as with all she was thinking of. “Can you
imagine nothing, or can’t you conceive--?” And then as her challenge
struck deeper in, deeper down than it had yet reached, and with the
effect of a rush of the blood to his face, “It was _for_ you, it was
_for_ you!” she again broke out--“and for what or whom else could it
have been?”
He saw things to a tune now that made him answer straight: “I thought at
one time it might be for Bill Frankle.”
“Yes--that was the way you treated me,” Miss Cookham as plainly replied.
But he let this pass; his thought had already got away from it. “What
good then--its having been for me--has that ever done me?”
“Doesn’t it do you any good _now?_” his friend returned. To which she
added, with another dim play of her tormented brightness, before he
could speak: “But if you won’t even have your tea----!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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