"How very, very young you are after all," she said gently. "Come nearer.
Lift your sulky, wicked head. Now ask my pardon for not understanding."
"I ask it.... But when you speak of him--"
"Hush. He is only a shadow to you--scarcely more to me. He must remain
so. Do you not understand that I wish him to remain a shadow to you--a
thing without substance--without a name?"
He bent his head, nodding almost imperceptibly.
"Garry?"
He looked up in response.
"There is something else--if I could only say it.... I might if you
would close your eyes." ... She hesitated, half-fearful, then drew his
head down on her knees, daintily, using her finger-tips only in the
operation.
"Are you listening to what I am trying to tell you?"
"Yes, very intently."
"Then--it's about my being afraid--of love.... Are you listening?... It
is very difficult for me to say this.... It is about my being afraid....
I used to be when I did not know enough to be. And now, Garry, when I am
less ignorant than I was--when I have divined enough of my unknown self
to be afraid--dearest, I am not."
She bent gently above the boyish head lying face downward on her
knees--waited timidly for some response, touched his hair.
"I am listening," he nodded.
She said: "My will to deny you, my courage to control myself seem to be
waning. I love you so; and it is becoming so much worse, such a blind,
unreasoning love.... And--do you think it will grow so much worse that I
could be capable of anything ignoble? Do you think I might be mad enough
to beg my freedom? I--I don't know where it is leading me, dear. Do you?
It is that which bewilders me--that I should love you so--that I should
not be afraid to love you so.... Hush, dear! Don't speak--for I shall
never be able to tell you this if you speak, or look at me. And I want
to ask you a question. May I? And will you keep your eyes covered?"
"Yes."
"Then--there are memories which burn my cheeks--hush!--I do not regret
them.... Only, what am I changing into that I am capable of
forgetting--everything--in the happiness of consenting to things I never
dreamed of--like this"--bending and laying her lips softly against his
cheek.... "That was wrong; it ought to frighten me. But it does not."
He turned, looking up into the flushed young face and drew it closer
till their cheeks touched.
"Don't look at me! Why do you let me drift like this? It is madness--to
give up to each other the way we do--"
"I wish we could give up the world for each other."
"I wish so too. I would--except for the others. Do you suppose I'd
hesitate if it were not for them?"
They looked at each other with a new and subtler audacity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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