"It's more probably swamp mist; I think you're only a pretty
counterfeit!" he said, laughing as he caught the volatile aroma of
burning cedar. But he wouldn't admit that she knew where she was, even
when she triumphantly pointed out the bleached skull of an alligator
nailed to an ungainly black-jack. So they rode on, knee to knee, he
teasing her about her pretended woodcraft, she bantering him; but in his
lively skirmishes and her disdainful retorts there was always now an
undertone which they both already had begun to detect and listen for:
the unconscious note of tenderness sounding at moments through the
fresh, quick laughter and gayest badinage.
But under all her gaiety, at moments, too, the dull alarm sounded in her
breast; vague warning lest her heart be drifting into deeper currents
where perils lay uncharted and unknown.
With every intimate and silent throb of warning she shivered,
responsive, masking her growing uncertainty with words. And all the
while, deep in her unfolding soul, she was afraid, afraid. Not of this
man; not of herself as she had been yesterday. She was afraid of the
unknown in her, yet unrevealed, quickening with instincts the parentage
of which she knew nothing. What might be these instincts of inheritance,
how ominous their power, their trend, she did not know; from whom
inherited she could never, never know. Would engrafted and acquired
instincts aid her; would training control this unknown heritage from a
father and a mother whose very existences must always remain without
concrete meaning to her?
Since that dreadful day two years ago when a word spoken inadvertently,
perhaps maliciously, by Mrs. Van Dieman, made it necessary that she be
told the truth; since the dazed horror of that revelation when, beside
herself with grief and shame, she had turned blindly to herself for
help; and, childish impulse answering, had hurled her into folly
unutterable, she had, far in the unlighted crypt of her young soul,
feared this unknown sleeping self, its unfolded intelligence, its
passions unawakened.
Through many a night, wet-eyed in darkness, she had wondered whose blood
it was that flowed so warmly in her veins; what inherited capacity for
good and evil her soul and body held; whose eyes she had; whose hair,
and skin, and hands, and who in the vast blank world had given colour to
these eyes, this skin and hair, and shaped her fingers, her mouth, her
limbs, the delicate rose-tinted nails whitening in the clinched palm as
she lay there on her bed at night awake.
The darkness was her answer.
And thinking of these things she sighed unconsciously.
"What is it, Shiela?" he asked.
"Nothing; I don't know--the old pain, I suppose."
"Pain?" he repeated anxiously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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