"How I carried the thing through, without letting it be more than you wished, I scarcely know now. It seems to me, looking back upon those days from this great solitude, that it was a task beyond the strength of mortal man. "And it was, Diana. But not beyond the strength of my love for you. If, as you look back upon our wedding, and the hours which followed, and--and the parting, my wife, it seems to you that I pulled it through all right, gauge, by that, the strength of my love. "Oh, that evening of our wedding-day! May I tell you? It is such a relief to be able to tell you, at last. It cannot harm you to learn how deeply you have been loved. It need not sadden you, Diana; because every man is the better for having given his best. "The longing for you, during those first hours, was so terrible. I went down to my cabin--you remember that jolly big cabin, 'with the compliments of the company'--but your violets stood on the table, everything spoke of you; yet your sweet presence was not there; and each revolution of the screw widened the distance between us--the distance which was never to be recrossed. "I tried to pray, but could only groan. I took off my coat; but when I turned to hang it up, I saw my hat, hanging where you had placed it. I slipped on my coat again. I could not stay in this fragrance of violets, and in the desperate sense of loneliness they caused. "I mounted to the hurricane deck, and paced up and down, up and down. For one wild moment I thought I would go off, when the pilot left; hurry back to you, confess all, and throw myself on your mercy--my wife, my wife! "Then I knew I could never be such a hound as to do that. You had chosen me, because you trusted me. You had wedded me, on the distinct understanding that it was to mean nothing of what marriage usually means. I had agreed to this; therefore you were the one woman on the face of God's earth, whom I was bound in honour not to seek to win. "Yet, I wanted you, my wife; and the hunger of that need was such fierce agony. "I went to the side of the ship. Beating my clenched fists on the woodwork, seemed to help a little. Then--I looked over. "We were surging along through the darkness. I could see the white foam on the waves, far down below. "Then--Diana, dare I tell you all?--then the black waters tempted me. I was alone up there. It would mean only one headlong plunge--then silence and oblivion. God forgive me, that in the agony of that moment of Time, I forgot Eternity. "But, lifting my eyes, I looked away from those black waters to where--clear on the horizon--shone a star.