The Fool Errant: Being the Memoirs of Francis-Anthony Strelley, Esq., Citizen of LuccaHewlett, Maurice
General
The Fool Errant: Being the Memoirs of Francis-Anthony Strelley, Esq., Citizen of Lucca
Hewlett, Maurice
Historical fiction
And in blood swam Prato that day, and Fra Palamone bathed in it
eloquently. He called himself Conqueror of Pain, and piled up his
captures like the trophies of a Roman triumph. I can still hear the
soul-congealing yell with which he hailed every new token of his
prowess, and still see the packed Piazza surge, as it was swept by it
like corn in a breeze. "Woe unto you, heathen masticator," he would cry,
holding high the forceps and its victim, "Woe unto you when you meet
Palamone, Tyrant of Pain! Blessed be the pincers and the fork, which
have gained the celestial paradise for Sant' Agnese, and the terrestrial
for this worthy man! I tell you, signori," he would say, looking round
upon the gaping company, "I would rather be in this man's shoes than in
the Grand Duke's, or in those of my blood-brother in God, the Patriarch
of Venice. Ha! he will break up larks' bones this night! and where are
the sheep's trotters to deny him entry? Where are the walnuts or the
peach stones whose kernels are removed from him? Ahi, signori! do you
think, if Signor Dives had had so wholesome a mouth he would have left
to Lazarus the bones? Not he--but the pith of every one of them had gone
to make him sleeker. Avanti, signori, avanti! Let the next in torment
come up." He had abundant custom, and seemed never to tire; but my turn
came at last, introduced by a string of panegyric which spoke of me as
the Nerve-Acrobat, the Lodestone of Ivory, the Electrical Indian Boy, at
whose touch teeth flew from their sockets and tartar dissolved in smoke.
Pale, but with resolution, I grasped the weapon which he handed me.
To my consternation and half-undoing, I saw in the chair the sinewy form
and honest brown face of Ercole, the heroic lover. He saluted me with a
smile and wave of the hand. He was here to encourage me, he said. Every
man must make a beginning, and there was nothing like a friendly face.
Very much unnerved, I asked him which tooth he proposed to lose.
"Whichever you prefer," he said. "I am here ready. Take this one for
instance." He tapped a fine grinder in his lower jaw. I asked him did it
pain him?
"Why no," he said, "it doesn't in a manner ache; but it will give you
some trouble, I believe, and I'm quite ready to oblige a friend with
whom I have shared confidences. Take your pleasure of my mouth by all
means. I recommend this one as a twister." Displaying here two rows of
pearls, he tapped the biggest of them and awaited my attack.
"I would sooner starve than touch such beauty as this," I said.
"Please yourself," he replied, "but observe, by your refusal I lose
three pauls. There's a matter of a wager between me and a friend which
shall let the most blood."
"Moreover, my young apprentice," said Fra Palamone with severity, "you
shall understand that breaking your covenant with me involves the
breaking of my stick upon your back."
"Via!" says Ercole, "where is your nerve, master? Do you think I haven't
time enough at San Benedetto to grow a fresh crop!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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