At her question she seemed to have grown from the common sense,
clear-eyed Jane into a great and commanding presence. She had drawn
herself to her full height. Her chin was in the air, her generous bust
thrown forward, her figure imperious, her eyes intense. And Paul too
drew himself up and looked at her in his new manhood. And they stood
thus for a while, beloved enemies.
"If you want the Truth--yes, I do love her," said he.
"Then how dare you ask me to be your wife?"
"Because the one is nonsensical and illusory and the other is real and
practical."
She flashed out angrily: "Do you suppose I can live my woman's life on
the real and practical? What kind of woman do you take me for? An
Amelia, a Patient Griselda, a tabby cat?"
Paul said: "You know very well; I take you for one of the
greatest-hearted of women. I've already said it to-night."
"Do you think I'm a greater-hearted woman than she? Wait, I've not
finished," she cried in a loud voice. "Your Princess--you cut her heart
into bits the other day, when you proclaimed yourself a low-born
impostor. She thought you a high-born gentleman, and you told her of
the gutter up north and the fried-fish shop and the Sicilian
organ-grinding woman. She, royalty--you of the scum! She left you. This
morning she learned worse. She learned that you were the son of a
convict. What does she do? She comes somehow--I don't know how--to
Hickney Heath and hears you publicly give yourself away--and she drives
straight here with a message for you. It's for you, the message. Who
else?" She stood before Paul, a flashing Jane unknown. "Would a woman
who didn't love you come to this house to-night? She wouldn't, Paul.
You know it! Dear old Bill here, who hasn't moved in royal circles,
knows it. No, my dear man," she said regally, "I've given you all my
love--everything that is in me--since I was a child of thirteen. You
will always have it. It's my great joy that you'll always have it. But,
by God, Paul, I'm not going to exchange it for anything less. Can you
give me the same?"
"You know I can't," said Paul. "But I can give you that which would
make our marriage a happy one. I believe the experience of the world
has shown it to be the securest basis."
She was on the point of breaking out, but turned away, with clenched
hands, and, controlling herself, faced him again. "You're an honourable
and loyal man, Paul, and you're saying this to save your face. I know
that you would marry me. I know that you would be faithful to me in
thought and word and act. I know that you would be good and kind and
never give me a moment's cause for complaint. But your heart would be
with the other woman. Whether she's out of your sphere or not--what
does it matter to me? You love her and she loves you. I know it. I
should always know it. You'd be living in hell and so should I. I
should prefer to remain in purgatory, which, after all, is quite
bearable--I'm used to it--and I love you enough to wish to see you in
paradise."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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