We shall not go into the details of this midnight introduction to the
arrival of manhood, for the simple reason that if we dwell on the
subject, someone is certain to attempt a dream-analysis and come up with
some flanged-up character-study or personality-quirk that really has
nothing to do with the mind or body of James Holden. The truth is that
his erotic dream was pleasantly stirring, but not entirely satisfactory.
It was fun while it lasted, but it didn't last very long. It awakened him
to the realization that knowledge is not the end-all of life, and that a
full understanding of the words, the medical terms, and the biology
involved did not tell him a thing about this primary drive of all life.
His total grasp of even the sideline issues was still dim. He came to a
partial understanding of why Jake Caslow had entertained late visitors of
the opposite sex, but he still could not quite see the reason why Jake
kept the collection of calendar photographs and paintings hung up around
the place. Crude jokes and rude talk heard long years before and dimly
remembered did not have much connection with the subject. To James
Holden, a "tomato" was still a vegetable, although he knew that some
botanists were willing to argue that the tomato was really a fruit.
For many days he watched Judge Carter and his wife with a critical
curiosity that their childless life had never known before. James found
that they did not act as if something new and strangely thrilling had
just hit the known universe. He felt that they should know about it.
Despite the fact that he knew everything that his textbooks could tell
him about sex and copulation he still had the quaint notion that the
reason why Judge Carter and his wife were childless was because they had
not yet gotten around to Doing It. He made no attempt to correlate this
oddity with its opposite in Jake Caslow's ladies of the night who seemed
to go on their merry way without conceiving.
He remembered the joking parry-and-thrust of that midnight talk between
Tim Fisher and Janet Bagley but it made no sense to him still. But as he
pondered the multitude of puzzlements, some of the answers fell partly
into place just as some of the matching pieces of a jigsaw puzzle may lie
close to one another when they are dumped out of the box. Very dimly
James began to realize that this sort of thing was not New, but to the
contrary it had been going on for a long, long time. So long in fact that
neither Tim Fisher nor Janet Bagley had found it necessary to state
desire and raise objection respectively in simple clear sentences
containing subject, verb, and object. This much came to him and it
bothered him even more, now that he understood that they were bandying
their meanings lightly over a subject so vital, so important, so--so
completely personal.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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