England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction; Families -- England -- Fiction
Could it be said—as was said in this Eastern book—that man's life was
really but a dream; could that be said with any more truth than it had
once been said, that he rose again in his body, to perpetual life? Could
anything be said with truth, save that we knew nothing? And was that not
really what had always been said by man—that we knew nothing, but were
just blown over and about the world like soughs of wind, in obedience to
some immortal, unknowable coherence! But had that want of knowledge ever
retarded what was known as the upward growth of man? Had it ever stopped
man from working, fighting, loving, dying like a hero if need were? Had
faith ever been anything but embroidery to an instinctive heroism, so
strong that it needed no such trappings? Had faith ever been anything
but anodyne, or gratification of the aesthetic sense? Or had it really
body and substance of its own? Was it something absolute and solid, that
he—Felix Freeland—had missed? Or again, was it, perhaps, but the natural
concomitant of youth, a naive effervescence with which thought and
brooding had to part? And, turning the page of his book, he noticed that
he could no longer see to read, the lamp had grown too dim, and showed
but a decorative glow in the bright moonlight flooding through the study
window. He got up and put another log on the fire, for these last nights
of May were chilly.
Nearly three! Where were these young people? Had he been asleep, and
they come in? Sure enough, in the hall Alan's hat and Sheila's cloak—the
dark-red one he had admired when she went forth—were lying on a chair.
But of the other two—nothing! He crept up-stairs. Their doors were open.
They certainly took their time—these young lovers. And the same sore
feeling which had attacked Felix when Nedda first told him of her love
came on him badly in that small of the night when his vitality was
lowest. All the hours she had spent clambering about him, or quietly
resting on his knee with her head tucked in just where his arm and
shoulder met, listening while he read or told her stories, and now and
again turning those clear eyes of hers wide open to his face, to see
if he meant it; the wilful little tugs of her hand when they two went
exploring the customs of birds, or bees, or flowers; all her 'Daddy, I
love yous!' and her rushes to the front door, and long hugs when he came
back from a travel; all those later crookings of her little finger in
his, and the times he had sat when she did not know it, watching her,
and thinking: 'That little creature, with all that's before her, is my
very own daughter to take care of, and share joy and sorrow with....'
Each one of all these seemed to come now and tweak at him, as the songs
of blackbirds tweak the heart of one who lies, unable to get out into
the Spring. His lamp had burned itself quite out; the moon was fallen
below the clump of pines, and away to the north-east something stirred
in the stain and texture of the sky. Felix opened the window. What
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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