The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Let us have it," said Tom.
"You have heard me speak of the Widow Wild, who lives in the vicinity of
Mapleton?" said Toney.
"Frequently," said Tom.
"The widow has a very handsome residence, and in it dwells a very pretty
daughter."
"The lovely Rosabel Wild?" said Tom.
"How did you learn her name?" inquired Toney.
"Oh, I have learned that and much more in addition," said Tom.
"What more?" said Toney.
"I have been credibly informed that a certain young lawyer, who answers
to the name of Toney Belton, and who seldom deigns to look at any other
woman, is wonderfully enchanted and woefully bewitched by the lovely
Rosabel Wild. Is it not so? Come, make a clean breast of it, Toney. An
honest confession is good for the soul?"
"Well, Tom, I will be candid with you, and say, in sailor's phraseology,
that if I were about to embark on a voyage of matrimony, as captain of
the craft I would like to have Rosabel Wild for my mate. But the widow
is very eccentric, and has often declared, in the most emphatic terms,
that no man can marry her daughter unless he is worth a hundred thousand
dollars. Now, you know that I have not got a hundred thousand dollars."
"But your bachelor uncle, Colonel Abraham Belton, has, and you will be
his heir."
"That is by no means so certain as you seem to suppose. Colonel Abraham
Belton, although he has lived longer than yourself by some twenty years,
is really as young a man as either of us, for nature has given him a
constitution of iron. He is so tough that time has never been able to
plow a furrow in his face, nor has he a gray hair in his whiskers. He
may marry a wife."
"Very true," said the Professor; "and she may raise up children unto
Abraham."
"And," said Toney, "the children of Abraham may deprive me of the
hundred thousand dollars."
"Toney, you are a man of sense," said the Professor; "and the French
maxim-maker says that a wise man may sometimes love like a madman, but
never like a fool. But let us hear your story."
"Well, you must know that I am really a very great favorite with the
Widow Wild, although I have not the requisite sum for a son-in-law. I
believe that Rosabel would be willing to wait until I get the hundred
thousand dollars. Indeed, to be candid, I have consulted her, and she
has expressed a decided determination to do so. This, however, is a
profound secret between the young lady and myself, which we have never
confided to the widow. I am often at the house."
"I should suppose so," said Tom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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