The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Well, Toney, I thought that I knew something, but you are a long way
ahead of me, my boy, in useful knowledge. Let me see." And he looked
over his notes. "The Mystic Order of Seven Sweethearts. An order founded
on principles of benevolence. Its object the welfare of women. To
prevent marriages. Single women much happier than those who are married.
A grand idea of M. T. Pate. Toney, this organization must flourish. It
will soon get far ahead of the Order of Seven Wise Men. But it must have
leaders. Who are its officers?"
"I have a list of them here," said Toney, drawing a paper from his
pocket-book.
"What is this?" said the Professor, taking the paper in his hand and
glancing over it. It read as follows:
M. O. O. S. S.
N. G. G. . . . . . . M. T. Pate.
M. W. D. . . . . . . Wm. Wiggins.
P. O. P. F. . . . . . Edward Botts.
G. G. G. . . . . . . Samuel Perch.
D. A. . . . . . . . Lucius Love.
N. N. . . . . . . . Altamont Dove.
W. W. . . . . . . . Marmaduke Bliss.
"What do those letters signify?" said the Professor.
"I have been puzzling my held over them for a long while," said Toney.
"Suppose you and Tom Seddon now aid me in deciphering them."
"Agreed!" said Tom.
"N. G. G.," said the Professor. "What does that mean?"
"I can't make it out," said Toney.
"Noble Grand Gander," suggested Tom.
"Good!" said Toney. "Tom, you are an Oedipus!"
"M. T. Pate is the Noble Grand Gander of the organization," said the
Professor, making an entry in his book. "M. W. D. What does that
signify?"
"You are too hard for me," said Toney.
"Most Worthy Donkey," said Tom.
"Hurrah!" said Toney,--"that's it, I am certain. Tom, you should open a
guessing school,--you would make your fortune."
"P. O. P. F.," said the Professor. "What's that?"
"Can't you guess, Tom?" said Toney.
"I am balked," said Tom.
"Botts?" said the Professor. "Is he the handsome man who was chasing the
negroes?"
"The same," said Toney.
"Prince Of Pretty Fellows," suggested the Professor.
"That's it! excellent!" exclaimed Toney.
"G. G. G.?" said the Professor.
"Great Green Gosling," said Tom.
"Perch is the Great Green Gosling," said the Professor, making an entry
in his book. "And now for Love. What is the signification of D. A.?"
"Dainty Adorer," said Toney; and the Professor made a note, and then
inquired the meaning of N. N.
"Noble Nonentity," said Tom.
"That hits Dove exactly," said Toney.
"There is one more," said the Professor.
"What is that?" asked Toney.
"W. W.," said the Professor.
"Winsome Wooer," suggested Seddon.
"That completes the list," said the Professor, looking over his
note-book and making another entry.
"Bliss is the Winsome Wooer. Toney, how did you procure this curious
document?"
"It came into my possession under very extraordinary circumstances,"
said Toney. "Would you like to hear the story?"
"I would, indeed," said the Professor.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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