"'All very good--highly recommended,' he remarked, with commendable impartiality. "I selected one--with rather an ominous name, I admit:--_Kat-hair-on_!--preferring cat's hair to none. "I used the Kathairon according to directions." "'Did the cat's hair grow?' I anxiously inquired. "'Neither cat's hair nor human hair.' No. Worse and worse. I was about to abandon all effort, when, stopping on a corner to get a young boot-black to shine my boots, preparatory to making a call on a lady acquaintance, before whom I was desirous of making a genteel appearance, a dirty, ragged little urchin peered around the block, and exclaimed, 'O, mister, you're barefooted on top o' yer head!' I had inadvertently removed my hat, to wipe my forehead. [Illustration: "BAREFOOTED ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD."] "This was the last feather. Though coming from but a dirty boot-black, it stung me to the marrow. I kicked over the boy, box, blacking, and all, and rushed into the nearest drug shop. I bought another new hair preparation. Another ominous name--'_Bare-it_!' "This I also used, as directed on the label, for a month. 'I think,' I said, 'if I use it a second month, it will entirely _bare it_!' "I bought a wig, and had my head shaved. I didn't lock myself up in a coal-cellar, or hide under a tub, like Diogenes, but I felt that I would have gladly done either, to hide myself from the eyes of the world. The girls all cast shy glances at me as they passed; as though the majority of _them_ did not wear false hair! "In utter desperation, I visited a dermatologist. What a name to make hair grow! Well, he examined my scalp with a microscope, and said the hair could be made to grow anew. 'I discover myriads of germs, which only require the right treatment in order to spring up in an exuberant crop of wavy tresses.' I bought his preparations. Bill, thirty-eight dollars. They were worthless. "Soon after this failure, I heard of a new remedy--'a sure cure.' The proprietor possessed a world-wide reputation, from the manufacture of various other remedies for nearly all diseases to which we poor mortals are subject, and there might be something in this. It was recommended to cure baldness, and restore gray hair to its natural color. I would go and see the proprietor of this excellent hair restorer. I hastened to Lowell. I was ushered into the doctor's sanctum--into the very presence of this Napoleon of medicine-makers, the Alexander of conquered worlds--of medical prejudices! "With hat in hand, I bowed low to the great Doctor Hair--or hair doctor. He beheld my veneration for himself. With a practised eye, he noted my genteel apparel. Flattered by my obeisance, and not to be outdone in politeness, he arose, removed his tile, and bowed equally low in return to my profound salutation, when lo! _O tempora! O mores!_ he was both bald and gray! I retired without specifying the object of my visit." A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING.