The Funny Side of Physic: Or, The Mysteries of Medicine, Presenting the Humorous and Serious Sides of Medical Practice. An Exposé of Medical Humbugs, Quacks, and Charlatans in All Ages and All Countries.Crabtre, Addison Darre
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The Funny Side of Physic: Or, The Mysteries of Medicine, Presenting the Humorous and Serious Sides of Medical Practice. An Exposé of Medical Humbugs, Quacks, and Charlatans in All Ages and All Countries.
Crabtre, Addison Darre
Medicine -- Anecdotes; Quacks and quackery
He was flushed and excited, consequently stammered some, and I was
compelled to keep up a conversation, but I did not feel easy. Something
was wrong. I detected more than one sly wink between aunt and niece, and
when the cross-eyed miss came into the room, I could not tell whom she was
glancing at, as her eyes "looked forty ways for Sunday," but she leered
perceptibly towards first one, then the other of the ladies. I hinted to
George that we must not delay longer. Still he tarried. Mrs. Kingsbury
seemed interested in the movements of the schooner in the mouth of the
cove. Miss Jenny was interested in George. I was interested in getting
away from them all. Finally the schooner was moored to the wharf, and,
standing at the window, I noticed a sailor, with a bundle on a stick over
his shoulder, approaching the house. A whisper passed between aunt and
niece, and the latter asked George to accompany her into an adjoining
room.
It was now past noon. A pleasant, savory smell came up from the kitchen,
but no one asked me to put up the horse, and stay to dinner.
The man with the bundle came familiarly into the yard. Soon George
returned alone to the room, and seizing his hat, he stammered, "C-c-come,
Ad," and rushed from the house.
Mrs. Kingsbury attended me to the door, and wished me a pleasant ride to
Bangor. George jumped into the buggy, seized the reins, and giving a cut
upon the horse, bawled, "Go on, Simon."
"Hold on. First let me unhitch him," I cried, seizing the spirited beast
by the bridle. I unfastened the halter, and jumped into the carriage; and
away flew Simon, snorting and irritated under the unnecessary cuts he had
received from the whip. At the first corner George took the back road
towards B.
"Not that way! Hold on, and turn about," I exclaimed, catching at the
reins. "Now stop and tell me all about it. Did you propose to Jenny? Has
she accepted, and are you beside yourself with ecstatic joy? Come, tell
me."
"Ho! Simon." And laying down the reins, George drew out his wallet, and
taking therefrom a bit of silk goods, he turned upon my astonished gaze a
woe-begone look, and said,--
"Ad, she's mum-mum-married--"
"Married!"
"Yes, married; and there's a piece of her wedding gown. The fellow you saw
come in while there, with the bundle on a stick,--the
land-lubberish-looking fellow,--was her husband. O my God! Did you ever?"
And so relieving his mind, he caught the reins and whip, and away darted
Simon at a fearful rate of speed.
At Bangor I said to George,--
"Well, there probably is no love lost on either side. She sold out at the
first bid, and you never had the least hold on her affections."
"Ah, I have had her confidence in too many moonlight walks to believe
that," was his reply.
"And it was all moonshine,--that's evident," I said.
"No, no; I wish it was. I never shall love again," said George, with a
deep sigh, and a sorry-looking cast of countenance.
"No, I suppose not," was my non-consoling reply.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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