Hastily I descended the hill and ran to the town. I made my way rapidly
through all the streets, staring in all directions, took another glance
at the windows of Frau Luise's house, reached the Rhine, and began to
walk quickly along its bank. From time to time I met women, but Assja
was nowhere to be seen. It was no longer vexation that I felt. A secret
fear oppressed me, and not fear alone; no, remorse, the warmest pity.
Love! yes, tenderest love! Wringing my hands, I called on Assja, into
the gathering darkness of the night; softly at first, then louder and
louder; a hundred times I repeated that I loved her. I swore never to
part from her. I would have given everything in the world to hear her
gentle voice again, to hold her cold hand, to see herself standing
before me. So near had she been to me, in perfect trustfulness, in utter
simplicity of heart and feeling had she come to me and laid her
inexperienced youth in my hands; and I had not caught her to my heart; I
had thrown away the bliss of seeing the shy face bloom into a joy, a
rapture of peace--this thought drove me to madness.
"Where can she be gone? What is become of her?" I called out, desperate
with helpless fears. Suddenly something white glimmered near by on the
shore. I knew the spot. An old half sunken cross with quaint inscription
stood there, over the grave of a man drowned seventy years before. My
heart stood still in my body. I ran to the cross. The white figure had
disappeared. "Assja!" I shouted. My wild cry terrified me. No one made
answer.
I determined to see if Gagin had found her.
* * * * *
As I hastened up the footpath I saw a light in Assja's chamber. It
calmed me a little.
I drew near the house. The door was fastened. I knocked. A window in the
darkened first story was carefully raised, and Gagin's head showed
itself.
"Found?" I asked.
"She is come back," he whispered to me. "She is in her chamber, and
undressing. All is as it should be."
"God be thanked!" I cried, in a transport of inexpressible joy. "God be
thanked! Now all will be well. But you know we have something to say to
each other."
"Another time," he answered, softly closing the window--"another time.
For this, good-by."
"Till to-morrow then," I said. "Tomorrow everything will be clear."
"Good-by," Gagin repeated, and the window was shut. I came near to
knocking again. I wished to tell Gagin at once that I sought his
sister's hand. But such a wooing, at such an hour! "Till to-morrow
then," I thought. "To-morrow I shall be happy!"
"To-morrow I shall be happy!" Happiness has no to-morrow; it has no
yesterday; it knows of no past; it thinks of no future. The present
belongs to it, and not even the present day--only the moment.
I do not know how I reached S----. Not my feet brought me; not the boat
carried me; I was borne over as if on broad, mighty wings. My way led me
by a thicket in which a nightingale was singing. It seemed to me it sang
of my love and my joy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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