That would have been the first impression; and then, as one studied her
more closely, it would have been borne in upon one that these were mere
outward signs--that the true, the real alteration lay not in dress, not
in the thinness of her face nor in the unwonted pallor of her skin, but
in the very curious expression with which she gazed out over the
distant hills; the look of kinship--of comprehension--of that illusive,
subtle sentiment that we call anticipation, with which her eyes met the
far-off sky line.
For many moments she stood as if fascinated by the sense of promise
that breathed and vibrated in the spring air; then, at last, with a
quickly taken breath, she turned away from the open window, and,
recrossing the room, seated herself again at the bureau, picked up her
pen, and with new inspiration began to write.
"LARRY--DEAR COUSIN,--
"I, the worst correspondent in all the world, am going to write you
a long letter--because my heart is so full of thoughts that I must
unburden it to some one who will listen. Who better than my
friend--my brother--of the old dear, dear days?
"It was good of you and Aunt Fan to write me those two long
affectionate letters; and I needed them. For though there was no
horror in James's death, death itself is--and always must
be--terrible to me. Terrible--but also very, very wonderful!
Wonderful beyond words, when one realises that somebody one has
known as good and kind and unselfish--but ordinary, Larry, ordinary
as oneself--is suddenly transformed into something infinitely wise
and mysterious, with a mystery one can only think about and fear.
"One month ago, James was in his usual health, going about his
little daily tasks, losing himself in his little daily interests.
And now he understands the million things that puzzle you and me
and the rest of the world of living people!
"His death--as I told you in my first short note--was painless and
quiet, and unselfish like his life. He held my hand and knew me to
the very end, and spoke to me quite lucidly of his affairs half an
hour before he died. And, Larry--I think he was happy! You cannot
imagine what it is to be able to say that! Death brings so many
regrets. It frightens me when I look back now over the years, and
think of our marriage. It was so terribly, cruelly unwise. A man of
his age, a girl of mine! And, knowing what I know now, the first
years must have been very bitter for him. Since then, things have
been better--and worse. Two years ago we were perilously near
disaster--he and I--when something--it does not matter what--saved
us both.
"How sincerely I thank God, now, that it was so. At the time I
suffered horribly; but it was good for me. It made me see that duty
is not merely a negative thing. And now it is all over--all over,
like a dream that is past. I am as I was. I am free!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account