A faint, dry odour rose from the loosened papers--the intangible scent
that indicates the past. It seemed that some world, distant and
forgotten, had suddenly put forth a shadowy hand, pointing she knew not
whither. Over her brain, fevered from the night's excitement, fell a
stillness--an arresting calm; across her thoughts, distorted by
mistaken struggles, glided a memory--a picture. She saw herself as she
had been before her marriage, in the far-off isolated days when life
had been a simple thing, when the world outside Orristown had been a
golden realm lying beyond the sunset.
How young she had been then! How extraordinarily, indescribably young!
How untrammelled in her actions and sweeping in her judgments! As the
old existence pressed about her in a cloud of images, she opened the
first letter. But so unsteadily, so agitatedly, that, in the opening,
five or six of the pages slipped from the packet and fluttered to the
writing-table, bringing with them a small unframed ivory miniature that
had been wrapped within the sheets.
The thin, fragile picture dropped with a faint tinkling sound; Clodagh
bent forward to recover it; then paused, leaning over the table in an
attitude of attention. The miniature lay face upwards; and, in the
strong light of the lamp, its outline and colours shone forth
distinctly. It represented the head and shoulders of a man in a scarlet
coat and hunting-stock--a man of thirty, with a handsome, defiant face,
fine eyes, and an obstinate, unreliable mouth.
It lay, looking up into her face, while she stared back at it, as
though a ghost had risen from the faded letters. On the night before
her marriage she had come upon this miniature of Denis Asshlin; and in
a frenzy of renewed grief had thrust it out of sight amongst the papers
she had collected. Then, the picture had seemed pitifully sad in its
presentment of the dead man in the days of his strength; now, as she
looked upon it in the light of subsequent knowledge, it seemed a thing
instinct with portent and dread.
Sharply and cruelly, the glamour cast by death receded from her memory.
She saw Asshlin as she had seen him in life--selfish, obstinate, and
yet weak. And, quick as the vision came, another followed. The vision
of her-self--of her own attitude towards her existence and her
responsibilities.
In silent, intent concentration she gazed upon the picture, until at
last, seized by an ungovernable impulse, half-instinctive realisation,
half-superstitious dread, she caught up the lamp and walked to the
dressing-table. There, removing the coloured shade, she laid it upon
the table; and, lifting the mirror, looked fixedly at her own
reflection, intensified by the crude, strong light.
For several minutes she stood quite motionless, her questioning eyes
searching the eyes in the glass, her pale face confronting its own
reflection. And as she looked, expressions of doubt, of fear, of
conviction chased each other across her features.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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