For six days we maintained our polite and measured interchange of
courtesies. I was left free most of the time to entertain myself. He
was a perfect host, and knew exactly how far to share my company
without appearing niggardly of his companionship or, on the other hand,
intruding it on me to such an extent that we wore out our common fund of
interests. For myself, I wished that I might see more of him. Never by
any direct statement did he own that there was any relationship between
us. Yet gradually he began to imply his intention in having me to visit
him.
I would have been completely happy, had it not been that Vi was absent.
I reckoned up the hours until I should return. All day my imagination
was following her movements. I refused to look ahead to the certainty of
approaching separation--it was enough for me that I could be near her
in the present.
It was strange how poignant the world had become, how subtly,
swiftly suggestive, since I had discovered her presence in it. All my
sensations, even those outwardly unrelated to her, grouped themselves
into a memory of her sweetness. It was a blind and pagan love she had
aroused--one which recognized no standards, but craved only fulfilment.
There were times when I stood back appalled, as a man who comes suddenly
to the edge of a precipice, when I realized where this love was leading.
Then my awakened conscience would remind me of my promise--that we would
be only friends.
These were the thoughts which now made me glad, now sorrowful, as I
rode through the leafy lanes round Woadley at the side of my proud old
grandfather. I would steal guilty glances at him, marveling that no
rumor of what I was thinking had come to him by some secret process of
telepathy. He looked so cold and unimpassioned, I wondered if he had
ever loved a woman.
I began to love the Woadley country with the love which only comes from
ownership. The white Jacobean Hall, with the chestnuts and elm-trees
grouped about it and the doves fluttering above its gables, became the
starting point for all the future chapters of my romance. I began to see
life in its prosperous, substantial aspect. The stately dignity of my
environment had its subconscious effect upon my lawless turbulence. In
the morning I would wake with the rooks cawing and, going to the window,
would look out on the sunken garden, the peaches ripening against the
walls, the dew sparkling on the trim box-hedges, and the leaves beating
the air like wings of anchored butterflies as the wind from the sea
stirred them. Everywhere the discipline of history was apparent--the
accumulated, ordered effort of generations of men and women dead and
gone. I had been accustomed to regard myself as an isolated unit,
responsible to myself alone for my actions.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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