“By the things you’ve said from time to time. You see, it’s this way.
Until I met Miss Favart I was quite unashamed of myself. Her purity and
goodness made me view myself in a new light. Since then I’ve tried to
retrieve my past to some extent. Of course, I can never be worthy of
her, but----”
“Worthy of her! I don’t understand.” I leant forward in my chair,
frowning.
“You do understand,” he said quietly. “You must have guessed it from the
first. I’m in love with her and intend to make her my wife.”
“Intend!” I repeated.
He rose to his feet, as though willing to show me his fine body, and
began to pace the room with the stealthy tread of a panther. He kept
his eyes on mine. When he spoke there was a purring determination in his
voice.
“Yes, intend. I’ve always had my way with women. You’ll see; I shan’t
fail this time. I may have to wait, perhaps.”
“Halloway,” I said, “I don’t suppose you’re capable of realizing how
decent people feel about you. Of course there are many men who disguise
their feelings when they see you trying to do better. But very few of
those same men would introduce you to their sisters, or daughters, or
wives. To put it plainly, they’d feel they were insulting them. So now
you know how I feel about what you’ve just told me.”
He paused above me, looking down with an amused smile.
“My dear Cardover, that’s just what I expected from you. You virgin men
are so brutally honest where your ideals are concerned--so hopelessly
evasive in facing up to realities. Don’t you know that life _is_ a
coarse affair? I’ve lived it naturally--most strong men have at some
time. I’ve been open in what I’ve done. Everybody knows the worst there
is to know about me. Most men do these things in secret. I couldn’t be
secret and preserve my self-respect. Skeletons in the cupboard ar’n’t
much in my line. Ruthita knows me at my wickedest now; when she knows me
at my best, she’ll love me.”
“When my sister marries,” I said coldly, “it’ll be to a man who can
bring her something better than the dregs of his debaucheries.”
He gave his foolish laugh. “That’s a new name for the Lovegrove titles.
I’d better be going. If I stay longer, you may make me angry.”
I rose to see him take his departure. He had passed out and gone a few
steps down the passage, when I heard him returning. The door just opened
wide enough for him to look in on me. “My dear Cardover,” he said, “I
came back to remind you of another of those evasive realities. You know,
she isn’t your sister.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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