“I wanted to forget--to live you out of my life; but you’ve brought it
all back--the old bitterness and heartache. You didn’t know what you did
to me, Dante. You spared my body; you killed everything--everything else
that was best. Look at me now.” She glanced down at the exotic daring
of her appearance:--the golden stocking that was revealed from ankle to
knee by the narrow slash in the skirt; the splendid extravagant display
of arms, throat, and breast that swelled up riotously, uninterrupted,
snowy and amorous from the sheathlike dress--a flashing blade
half-withdrawn from its scabbard.
“I’m a devil. You made me that, you virgin man. No, don’t speak----
I thought I should have died of shame after I left you. I could have
killed you. You don’t know how a woman feels when she’s wanted a man
with her whole soul and body, and she knows that she’s beautiful; and
he’s flung her from him when she’s offered herself, as though she were
worthless. ‘He didn’t care,’ I said, ‘so nobody’ll ever care.’---- And
then I met Antoine Georges, who had known my father. And I did what
you’ve seen and I’ve won success. When I saw you the other night I
wanted to make you suffer. I’ve often pictured how I would torture you
if ever you should come back--how I’d destroy you--how I’d make you go
through the same hell. And now you’ve come, and I can’t do it.---- I may
change my mind presently. You’d better go while I let you.”
“I’m never going.”
She turned her head, scrutinizing my face stealthily from between her
hands.
“Don’t be a fool. What about her?”
“There’s no one else. There never will be.”
She gasped. “You didn’t marry her?”
The strained look in her face relaxed. She laughed softly to herself;
why she laughed I could not guess. It was not the laughter which follows
suspense, but the laughter of one who courts danger. It was as though
she parted her hair into sheaves and glanced out crying, “I am Eve, the
long desired.”
Reaching over to the table she picked out a cigarette. When it was
alight, she snuggled down into the chair, kicking off her little gold
shoes and resting her feet on the fender. She eyed me dreamily.
“Then you made me suffer all that for nothing? You good men can be
cruel.---- Tell me.”
Briefly I told her of my useless visit to Sheba; and why I left; and why
I was still unmarried. I kept nothing back in my self-scorn and desire
to be honest.
She slipped her feet up and down the gleaming rail as she listened,
lying deep in cushions, her cigarette tilted in her mouth, her hands
clasped behind her head. When I ended, she frowned at me whimsically
from beneath her drawn brows.
“But, you impracticable person, you might have foreseen all that. You
didn’t need to cross the Atlantic to discover that a husband doesn’t let
his wife be taken from him without making trouble.---- So you wouldn’t
pay the price to get her! You’re a rotten reckoner, old boy, for a man
who counts the cost of everything ahead.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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