To a man of his stamp making love is not a difficult matter. To a man
like Tony it is a second nature--the breath of life--a perennial
pastime. But making love is not the same as loving, and to make love to
Beatrice would be an insult. He admired Beatrice so much--respected
her--was anxious to serve her, to obey her slightest whim,--thought her
the best and most desirable creature he had ever known. But if he did
not love her, it would be a base thing to pretend, to use her as a toy.
Did he love her or not? He wanted her--oh, yes! he wanted her as he had
never wanted any one else in his life. There had been others, of course,
with whom he had dallied--for instance, Mizzi. There had been one or two
in whom he had taken a more serious interest, like Miss Arkwright. With
the latter he had more than once imagined himself to be in love--he had
dwelt delightfully upon the possibility--had gone to bed reflecting,
"Dash it! Beatrice has forgotten me. Winifred's a darling! Why not?" And
then when the kiss had been offered, he had refused. Well, in that lay
hope of a greater certainty. He had refused the kiss--had he
not?--because of Beatrice. Therefore he loved her. Therefore he must
make love to her. Therefore he must ask her to marry him. Marriage!
Whew--w--w!
"Oh, you vacillating ass!" he groaned to himself, getting up and
stretching his arms as if to free himself from the enmeshing subtleties.
"Why can't you be content to believe yourself in love and go straight
ahead now that the path is clear? Why can't you be an ordinary, sane,
matter-of-fact lover, and ask the dear woman if she'll marry you and
help you to help her, the world and yourself? Yourself, who need it
badly. Why--why--why can't you be reasonable?" He shook his fist
savagely at the heavens. "Why worry your brain about these intricate
analyses? Why? _Because_, my boy, she deserves certainly, and, by
George, she shall have it!"
He sat down and read the telegram once more. "Poor old chap!" he
thought. "Dead ... and of measles. Lord! it's hard not to laugh. A man
who plotted and shook the chancelleries, in daily danger of poison or
the sword, to die of _measles_! What a world of oddities! Poor
devil ... I wonder how she takes it?"
The remembrance of the forced marriage led him to think that she could
not feel it too cruelly. No doubt she had liked him--had even felt
affection for him. But the compulsion of wedlock and the death of her
only son would not but make the tie more light than usual. "Let's hope
so, anyway," he growled to himself, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.
"Lionel, you were selfish to talk of love so soon. More especially when
you don't know yet if you love her or not."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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