Each must have had his place in the drama, but the important question
was, who played the lead? Lukos or Lionel--honor and faith or ...
inclination? Yet that is hardly a fair way of putting it: she must not
define her interest as inclination, hinting at something more potent.
Interest one may admit without qualification: Lionel had saved her life,
was an attractive and pleasant young man, and had been her guest for a
week. Of course Beatrice was interested; she would have been hard or
inhuman otherwise. But did her inclination show signs of becoming
something more? Could she honestly say in the stereotyped phrase that
"he was nothing to her?"--nothing being the antithesis of everything. In
that sense she could say it, for he was certainly not everything. But
was "nothing" exact? Ah!...
At least she must have found comfort in the reflection that she had sent
him away on an errand that would avert all danger, if successfully
carried out. She had been ... weak ... once or twice, but such a
weakness may find a ready forgiveness, considering the circumstances and
the expiation. Which of us, oh, censorious reader, would have been as
strong as Beatrice?
Still, she could not sleep, and for the present that outweighed all
moral hesitations and scruples. At seven o'clock she gave up the unequal
contest, dressed and went out for a short walk. The air calmed her, and
she gained a respite from the self-examination for an hour. Then, after
making an effort to eat some breakfast, she sat down to smoke a
cigarette and think again about Lionel. What was he like, the real man,
the true Lionel? Was he a man to be trusted, a man to be relied on, the
sort of man, so to speak, one would like (supposing it were possible) to
marry? Lionel as a husband.... "Husband" brought a smile, a blush and a
frown to the face of Beatrice, and it is to be hoped that the shade of
Lukos noticed the blush as well as the smile. "Heavens! and I have
only known him a week!" thought Beatrice with self-chastisement:
"besides ..." Precisely! There are so many "besideses" in real life.
But undoubtedly, and without any disloyalty to shades, living or
otherwise, he was the dearest of boys. He had behaved extraordinarily
well throughout--extraordinarily well, for actresses have unique
opportunities of studying man's weakness--not only in the cab and the
dressing-room, but during the week of voluntary imprisonment. Polished,
controlled, devoted without being tiresome, he was certainly the dearest
of boys. Human, too, and humanity was a quality that appealed to
Beatrice; nor did he lack a sense of humor and romance. But she had only
known him for a week, and could she possibly form an adequate judgment
in such a period? "He may be acting all the time," she thought with a
dismal pucker of the forehead, "and I ought to know how easy it can be
to act. What a fool I am to worry over things!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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