Artists -- Relations with women -- Fiction; Artists -- United States -- Fiction
Under the influence of this companionship, under cloudless skies and in
the heart of the June weather, Christina finally yielded to an
arrangement which brought Eugene into a relationship which he had never
dreamed possible with her. They had progressed by degrees through all
the subtleties of courtship. They had come to discuss the nature of
passion and emotion, and had swept aside as negligible the conviction
that there was any inherent evil in the most intimate relationship. At
last Christina said frankly:
"I don't want to be married. It isn't for me--not until I've thoroughly
succeeded, anyhow. I'd rather wait--If I could just have you and
singleness too."
"Why do you want to yield yourself to me?" Eugene asked curiously.
"I don't know that I exactly want to. I could do with just your love--if
you were satisfied. It's you that I want to make happy. I want to give
you anything you want."
"Curious girl," observed her lover, smoothing her high forehead with his
hand. "I don't understand you, Christina. I don't know how your mind
works. Why should you? You have everything to lose if worst came to
worst."
"Oh, no," she smiled. "I'd marry you then."
"But to do this out of hand, because you love me, because you want me to
be happy!" he paused.
"I don't understand it either, honey boy," she offered, "I just do."
"But why, if you are willing to do this, you wouldn't prefer to live
with me, is what I don't understand."
She took his face between her hands. "I think I understand you better
than you do yourself. I don't think you'd be happy married. You might
not always love me. I might not always love you. You might come to
regret. If we could be happy now you might reach the point where you
wouldn't care any more. Then you see I wouldn't be remorseful thinking
that we had never known happiness."
"What logic!" he exclaimed. "Do you mean to say you wouldn't care any
more?"
"Oh, I'd care, but not in the same way. Don't you see, Eugene, I would
have the satisfaction of knowing that even if we did separate you had
had the best of me."
It seemed astounding to Eugene that she should talk in this way--reason
this way. What a curious, sacrificial, fatalistic turn of mind. Could a
young, beautiful, talented girl really be like this? Would anybody on
earth really believe it if they knew? He looked at her and shook his
head sorrowfully.
"To think that the quintessence of life should not stay with us always."
He sighed.
"No, honey boy," she replied, "you want too much. You think you want it
to stay, but you don't. You want it to go. You wouldn't be satisfied to
live with me always, I know it. Take what the gods provide and have no
regrets. Refuse to think; you can, you know."
Eugene gathered her up in his arms. He kissed her over and over,
forgetting in her embrace all the loves he had ever known. She yielded
herself to him gladly, joyously, telling him over and over that it made
her happy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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