The Gentle Art of Cooking WivesWorthington, Elizabeth Strong
General
The Gentle Art of Cooking Wives
Worthington, Elizabeth Strong
Marriage
Madam Anderson confirmed and embellished this tale, but Steve's and
Nannie's narrative, giving the circumstances of the case, their
purchase of the place, the annoyances to which these people had
subjected them, the warning that had been sounded to keep them at
arm's length, and the continued disregard of all this, sufficed, in
the opinion of the Court, to acquit them and fix the burden of the
expenses entailed by the suit upon the Anderson shoulders.
One would have supposed that this episode would have satisfied Nannie
for awhile, but she was tireless, and must needs start out to sit hens
soon after the Andersons were laid low. Now, of all unreasoning,
stupid, obstinate, contrary beasts, a sitting hen is well qualified to
carry off the first prize. Nannie had been told that when a hen began
to puff up her feathers until she was swollen to about three times her
natural size, and make a noise that sounded as if she had tried to say
something and the word caught on a hook in her throat, she was ready
to sit. Having three feathered animals in this condition, and having
coaxed Steve into buying some Plymouth Rock eggs at the trivial sum of
three dollars a sitting, Nannie proceeded to capture the hens and put
them upon nests of her own placing, wholly ignorant of the fact that
if there is one thing above all others in which a hen must have her
say, it was in the choice of residence during this vexatious period.
From the moment that Nannie put the hens upon the eggs she led a life
of unexampled activity. No sooner would she turn her back than the
various madams would rise, and with distended feathers and gurgling
clucks dismount from the nests and begin to stalk around the yard, in
defiance of directions to the contrary. The number of times that Steve
was pushed under one side of the house in pursuit of the
escaped--lunatic, I had almost said, and told to remain there while
Nannie ran around and crawled under the other side to head her off,
would pass belief. As a matter of course she was never caught by this
double-barreled attack, but always stalked out from some unexpected
crevice and promenaded the yard as if she owned the premises. The next
move on Steve's and Nannie's part would be to drive her nestward. The
result of this was always to land her in some place precisely
opposite; for the moment she was headed properly she would tilt her
wings and break into a fat, wheezy little run in the direction just
contrary to the one indicated by common sense and lawful authority.
One day, after an hour of this sport, Nannie lost patience, and
picking up stones, pelted the feathered truant until she fled out of
sight--in the wrong direction.
"Let her eggs cool!" she exclaimed with a burst of passionate tears.
"I don't care if they get as cold as an iceberg! I wish they'd freeze
her stiff the next time she sits on them!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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