Australia -- Fiction; Autobiographical fiction; Bildungsromans; Melbourne (Vic.) -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
She was spending that week-end at Godmother's. It was as dull as usual;
she had ample leisure to brood over what lay before her. It was now a
certainty, fixed, immovable; for, by leaving school that day without
having spoken, she had burned her ships behind her. When she went back
on Monday M. P. would be there, and every loophole closed. On Sunday
evening she made an excuse and went down into the garden. There was no
moon; but, overhead, the indigo-blue was a prodigal glitter of
stars--myriads of silver eyes that perforated the sky. They sparkled
with a cold disregard of the small girl standing under the mulberry
tree; but Laura, too, was only half-alive to their magnificence. Her
thoughts ran on suicide, on making an end of her blighted career. God
was evidently not going to be generous or long-suffering enough to come
to her aid; and in imagination she saw the fifty-five gaining on her
like a pack of howling hyaenas; saw Mrs. Gurley, Mr. Strachey--Mother.
Detection and exposure, she knew it now, were the most awful things the
world held. But she had nothing handy: neither a rope, nor poison, nor
was there a dam in the neighbourhood.
That night she had the familiar dream that she was being "stood up" and
expelled, as Annie Johns had been: thousands of tongues shouted her
guilt; she was hunted like a wallaby. She wakened with a scream, and
Marina, her bedfellow, rose on one elbow and lighted the candle.
Crumpled and dishevelled, Laura lay outside the sheet that should have
covered her; and her pillow had slipped to the floor.
"What on earth's the matter? Dreaming? Then depend on it you've eaten
something that's disagreed with you."
How she dragged her legs back to school that morning, Laura never knew.
At the sight of the great stone building her inner disturbance was such
that she was nearly sick. Even the unobservant Marina was forced to a
remark.
"You do look a bit peaky. I'm sure your stomach's out of order. Your
should take a dose of castor-oil to-night, before you go to bed."
Though it was a blazing November day, her fingers were cold as she took
off her hat and changed her white frock. "For the last time," she
murmured; by which she meant the last time in untarnished honour. And
she folded and hung up her clothes, with a neatness that was foreign to
her.
Classes were in full swing when she went downstairs; nothing could
happen now till the close of morning school. But Laura signalised the
beginning of her downfall, the end of her comet-like flight, by losing
her place in one form after another, the lessons she had prepared on
Friday evening having gone clean out of her head.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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