He kept away from Nadia all that day, wandering alone, in moody
meditation. His thoughts never dwelt for a moment upon the idea of
the girl who was coming to him, so long a journey, at so great a
fatigue. She was to him merely a disagreeable duty, which would have
to be faced. He did not realize this. Had he really known what he
felt, he would have hid his face in shuddering shame. As it was, he
was conscious only of the pain he was suffering. Towards evening,
Nadia, wandering alone, found him, seated in the shadow of a huge
tree, his face hidden in his hands.
She seated herself beside him, her impulsive heart moved to keen
pity. All day long she had been feeling hurt and angry. It had been
charming to wield undivided sway over this curious, self-contained
man for these last delightful days. She had no idea of the true
state of affairs--no idea that the English girl now on her way to
Savlinsky was, as an actual fact, the betrothed of Denzil Vanston.
But she felt that the new arrivals would put an end to a
companionship which had been strangely delightful.
She reflected with cold wonder that she had once thought herself in
love with Felix--Felix, whose color had never changed, whose breath
had never quickened at her coming--whose manner to her was as his
manner to Miss Forester, civil, pleasant, neutral. She could not
look at Denzil without becoming aware of his intense consciousness of
her look. He was her slave. He reddened and paled, smiled or
frowned, as she willed. Nadia was a young woman who loved her own
way. Her intelligence had always warned her that with Felix she
would not have had it. She had the same instinctive knowledge that
she would be able to twist Denzil round her finger.
Now, she knew not why he suffered, but she could well see that he was
suffering. A new feeling, of tender pity, a mother-feeling, took
possession of her heart. She was at bottom a very simple-minded,
domestic young woman, impulsive, and a little spoilt, but wholly
feminine.
"Something is wrong with you," she said. "And I am grieved if you
grieve."
He took her hand, and, hardly knowing what he was about, held it to
his lips. The girl smilingly allowed it. The misery of thwarted
passion rushing through his veins filled the touch of his lips with
fire. As he held and kissed her small, soft hand, the contented
smile faded from her face, her cheeks flushed, her eyes grew deep and
troubled. She trembled, and made an effort to draw back her hand.
He let it go at once, and in a kind of despair, resting his elbows on
his knees, dropped his head into his hands.
"Oh," said Nadia, breathlessly, "what is it? Tell me, tell me, you
make me so unhappy."
"To-day is the last," he brought out, thickly. "I am counting each
second of it. My friends will arrive in an hour or two. We shall
leave for England in a day or two, and you--you will forget me, the
poor wretch who all his life will never be able to forget you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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