The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Mr. Bennett began to forget his remorse in a sense of injury. He felt
like a man with a good story to tell who can get nobody to listen to
him. He nudged the other again, more vehemently this time. Mr. Mortimer
made a noise like a gramophone when the needle slips, moved restlessly
for a moment, then sat up, staring at the candle.
“Rabbits! Rabbits! Rabbits!” said Mr. Mortimer, and sank back again. He
had begun to rumble before he touched the pillow.
“What do you mean, rabbits?” said Mr. Bennett sharply.
The not unreasonable query fell on deaf ears. Mr. Mortimer was already
entering a tunnel.
“Much too pink!” he murmured as the pillow engulfed him.
What steps Mr. Bennett would have taken at this juncture, one cannot
say. Probably he would have given the thing up in despair and retired,
for it is weary work forgiving a sleeping man. But, as he bent above
his slumbering friend, a drop of warm grease detached itself from the
candle and fell into Mr. Mortimer’s exposed ear. The sleeper wakened.
“What? What? What?” he exclaimed, bounding up. “Who’s that?”
“It’s me—Rufus,” said Mr. Bennett. “Henry, I’m dying!”
“Drying?”
“Dying!”
Mr. Mortimer yawned cavernously. The mists of sleep were engulfing him
again.
“Eight rabbits sitting on the lawn,” he muttered. “But too pink! Much
too pink!”
And, as if considering he had borne his full share in the conversation
and that no more could be expected of him, he snuggled down into the
pillow again.
Mr. Bennett’s sense of injury became more acute. For a moment he was
strongly tempted to try the restorative effects of candle-grease once
more, but, just as he was on the point of succumbing, a shooting pain,
as if somebody had run a red-hot needle into his tongue, reminded him
of his situation. A dying man cannot pass his last hours dropping
candle-grease into people’s ears. After all, it was perhaps a little
late, and there would be plenty of time to become reconciled to Mr.
Mortimer to-morrow. His task now was to seek out Bream and bring him
the glad news of his renewed engagement.
He closed the door quietly, and proceeded upstairs. Bream’s bedroom, he
knew, was the one just off the next landing. He turned the handle
quietly, and went in. Having done this, he coughed.
“Drop that pistol!” said the voice of Jane Hubbard immediately, with
quiet severity. “I’ve got you covered!”
Mr. Bennett had no pistol, but he dropped the candle. It would have
been a nice point to say whether he was more perturbed by the discovery
that he had got into the wrong room, and that room a lady’s, or by the
fact that the lady whose wrong room it was had pointed what appeared to
be a small cannon at him over the foot of the bed. It was not, as a
matter of fact, a cannon but the elephant gun, which Miss Hubbard
carried with her everywhere—a girl’s best friend.
“My dear young lady!” he gasped.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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