The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“Well, four—five—six—you can’t expect me not to lose count.... I say a
girl who does that does not know what she wants, and older and more
prudent heads must decide for her. You are going to marry Bream
Mortimer!”
“All wrong! All wrong!” said Sam, with a reproving shake of the head.
“All wrong! She’s going to marry me.”
Mr. Bennett scorched him with a look compared with which his earlier
effort had been a loving glance.
“Wilhelmina,” he said, “go into the outer office.”
“But, father, Sam saved my life!”
“Go into the outer office and wait for me there.”
“There was a lunatic in here....”
“There will be another if you don’t go.”
“He had a pistol.”
“Go into the outer office!”
“I shall always love you, Sam!” said Billie, pausing mutinously at the
door.
“I shall always love _you!_” said Sam cordially.
“Nobody can keep us apart!”
“They’re wasting their time, trying.”
“You’re the most wonderful man in the world!”
“There never was another girl like you!”
“Get _out!_” bellowed Mr. Bennett, on whose equanimity this love-scene,
which I think beautiful, was jarring profoundly. “Now, sir!” he said to
Sam, as the door closed.
“Yes, let’s talk it over calmly,” said Sam.
“I will not talk it over calmly!”
“Oh, come! You can do it if you try. In the first place, whatever put
this silly idea into your head about that sweet girl marrying Bream
Mortimer?”
“Bream Mortimer is the son of Henry Mortimer.”
“I know,” said Sam. “And, while it is no doubt unfair to hold that
against him, it’s a point you can’t afford to ignore. Henry Mortimer!
You and I have Henry Mortimer’s number. We know what Henry Mortimer is
like! A man who spends his time thinking up ways of annoying you. You
can’t seriously want to have the Mortimer family linked to you by
marriage.”
“Henry Mortimer is my oldest friend.”
“That makes it all the worse. Fancy a man who calls himself your friend
treating you like that!”
“The misunderstanding to which you allude has been completely smoothed
over. My relations with Mr. Mortimer are thoroughly cordial.”
“Well, have it your own way. Personally, I wouldn’t trust a man like
that. And, as for letting my daughter marry his son...!”
“I have decided once and for all....”
“If you’ll take my advice, you will break the thing off.”
“I will not take your advice.”
“I wouldn’t expect to charge you for it,” explained Sam reassuringly.
“I give it you as a friend, not as a lawyer. Six-and-eightpence to
others, free to you.”
“Will you understand that my daughter is going to marry Bream Mortimer?
What are you giggling about?”
“It sounds so silly. The idea of anyone marrying Bream Mortimer, I
mean.”
“Let me tell you he is a thoroughly estimable young man.”
“And there you put the whole thing in a nutshell. Your daughter is a
girl of spirit. She would hate to be tied for life to an estimable
young man.”
“She will do as I tell her.”
Sam regarded him sternly.
“Have you no regard for her happiness?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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