The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Mr. Peters cleared his throat awkwardly. He was feeling embarrassed at
the unpleasantness of the duty which he had to perform, but it was a
duty, and he did not intend to shrink from performing it. Ever since,
gazing appreciatively through the drawing-room windows at the charming
scene outside, he had caught sight of the unforgettable form of Billie,
seated in her chair with the sketching-block on her knee, he had
realised that he could not go away in silence, leaving Mr. Bennett
ignorant of what he was up against.
One almost inclines to fancy that there must have been a curse of some
kind on this house of Windles. Certainly everybody who entered it
seemed to leave his peace of mind behind him. Jno. Peters had been
feeling notably happy during his journey in the train from London, and
the subsequent walk from the station. The splendour of the morning had
soothed his nerves, and the faint wind that blew inshore from the sea
spoke to him hearteningly of adventure and romance. There was a jar of
pot-pourri on the drawing-room table, and he had derived considerable
pleasure from sniffing at it. In short, Jno. Peters was in the pink,
without a care in the world, until he had looked out of the window and
seen Billie.
“Mr. Bennett,” he said, “I don’t want to do anybody any harm, and, if
you know all about it, and she suits you, well and good; but I think it
is my duty to inform you that your stenographer is not quite right in
her head. I don’t say she’s dangerous, but she isn’t compos. She
decidedly is _not_ compos, Mr. Bennett!”
Mr. Bennett stared at his well-wisher dumbly for a moment. The thought
crossed his mind that, if ever there was a case of the pot calling the
kettle black, this was it. His opinion of Jno. Peters’ sanity went down
to zero.
“What are you talking about? My stenographer? What stenographer?”
It occurred to Mr. Peters that a man of the other’s wealth and business
connections might well have a troupe of these useful females. He
particularised.
“I mean the young lady out in the garden there, to whom you were
dictating just now. The young lady with the writing-pad on her knee.”
“What! What!” Mr. Bennett spluttered. “Do you know who that is?” he
exclaimed.
“Oh, yes, indeed!” said Jno. Peters. “I have only met her once, when
she came into our office to see Mr. Samuel, but her personality and
appearance stamped themselves so forcibly on my mind, that I know I am
not mistaken. I am sure it is my duty to tell you exactly what happened
when I was left alone with her in the office. We had hardly exchanged a
dozen words, Mr. Bennett, when—”—here Jno. Peters, modest to the core,
turned vividly pink—“when she told me—she told me that I was the only
man she loved!”
Mr. Bennett uttered a loud cry.
“Sweet spirits of nitre! What!”
“Those were her exact words.”
“Five!” ejaculated Mr. Bennett, in a strangled voice. “By the great
horn spoon, number five!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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