How can you be severe with a native who sends you a beautiful letter, written in purple ink, upon pink paper, addressed to “Sir Excellency Mister Chief Inspector”; and beginning, “Honoured Enormity”; or how can you apply the booted toe to the petitioner who commences his appeal with the words, “Sire, prithee goggle not at my beseech?” I have from time to time collected some of these letters received from natives, and in reading them over it is impossible to overcome the feeling that one has inadvertently slipped through a rent in the veil of Time and become a denizen of the land of childhood. To make my meaning clear, I will here quote some of these documents; and the reader will thus understand how difficult it is to regard the writers as responsible men of our sober twentieth century. Little children, before they are taught their manners, are wont to tell tales against one another to their mothers or nurses; and the English official in Egypt is continuously besieged by complaints of this kind, most of which are quite unable to be substantiated. Here, for example, is a typical specimen: “Mohammed Aly, the watchman of the Rest-house, states that while he was watching his spot the Head Watchman came and asked him to go and buy two pigeons. Having the watchman went, the Head Watchman entered the house and began to drink kind of intoxications. On his return found him drinking. He annoyed and became too angry. He said it was not right. Thereupon they quarrelled and he insulted him with his foot. This watchman prays you to peep through this matter.” A native who had had words with one of our employees attempted to revenge himself by writing to me to accuse his enemy of taking bribes. “I have the honour to inform your kindness,” says the letter, “that Ahmed Hassan the Chief Porter under your noble direction is taking bibes (_sic_) like hens, eggs, veg., and some other things, and he takes also one pound from every porter. So I beg from your kindness to examine him in this manufacture and to accept my request and highly oblige.” Revenge is also the motive of another complaint, reading as follows: “I lay this matter before you, as I know you are very fond to know all what your men do. The Inspector at ... became so proud of himself thinking he was the only chief one there who can do as he likes. He is always willing to mischief the poor in order that he can do what he likes. Also he is a gallant and tries to lead the good women a fast life. That is because he is not willing to be watched by the faithful men of occupation. He is always interfering with some other man’s affairs, and he is hard trying to gather money so much for himself.” Here is another effort: