An elderly gentleman trotted up to the carriage, opened the door, and
came in, his arms full of newspapers. He settled himself in his corner,
and looked about him with a benevolent air, as if courting friendly
intercourse. Brian seated himself opposite his wife, looking black as
thunder. Ida was indifferent to such petty details of life as unknown
elderly gentlemen. Her mind was full of troubled thoughts about the
friends she had left--most of all that one friend whose thrilling voice
still sounded in her ears--that one voice which had power to move her
deepest feeling.
'And come what may, I _have been_ bless'd.' That is a woman's first
thought in any desperate case of this kind. The poet struck a note of
universal truth in that immortal line. There is endless consolation in
the knowledge that heart has answered to heart; that the fond futile love
to which Fate forbids a happy issue has not been lavished on a dumb,
irresponsive idol. If there has been madness, folly, it has not been
one-sided foolishness. He too has loved; he too must suffer. Bind Eloisa
with what vows, surround her with what walls you will, even in her
despair there is one golden thought: her Abelard has loved her--will love
on till the end of life--since such a flame should be eternal as the
stars.
He had loved her! Pride and rapture were in the thought. She told herself
that such pride, such delight was sinful, and that she must fight against
and conquer this sin. She must shut Brian of the Abbey out of her mind
for evermore; she must school herself to believe that he and she had
never met; so train and subjugate herself that a few months hence she
might be able to read the announcement of his marriage--should such a
thing occur--without one guilty pang.
And then she looked back and tried to recall her life before she had
known him. What was it like? A blank? She felt like one who has received
some injury to the brain, or endured severe illness which has blotted out
all memory of the life which went before. She sat with her pale fixed
face turned towards the open window, her eyes gazing on the landscape
with a vacant, far-away look--her husband watching her every now and
then, furtively, anxiously.
The elderly gentleman in the corner beamed at her occasionally through
his spectacles. She was young, handsome, and looked unhappy. He was
interested in her; in a benevolent, paternal spirit. He thought it likely
that the young man was her brother, though there was no likeness between
them; and that she was being parted by family authority from some other
young man who was less, and yet more, than a brother. He made up his
little story about her, and then, by way of consolation, offered her his
_Times_, which he had done with by this time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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