“Whom she denies!” The quick reply came with a flush in his pale face,
and he instantly arose and walked away to the window and stood for some
moments in silence. When he turned there was another expression in
his eyes and a note of tenderness in his voice that contradicted the
severity of the priest. It was the man that spoke. “Yes, she is the best
woman I ever knew. God help me! I fear I am not fit for my work.”
This outburst of Father Damon to her, so unlike his calm and trained
manner, surprised Edith, although she had already some suspicion of his
state of mind. But it would not have surprised her if she had known more
of men, the necessity of the repressed and tortured soul for sympathy,
and that it is more surely to be found in the heart of a pure woman than
elsewhere.
But there was nothing that she could say, as she took his hand to bid
him good-by, except the commonplace that Dr. Leigh had expressed anxiety
that he was overworking, and that for the sake of his work he must be
more prudent. Yet her eyes expressed the sympathy she did not put in
words.
Father Damon understood this, and he went away profoundly grateful for
her forbearance of verbal expression as much as for her sympathy. But
he did not suspect that she needed sympathy quite as much as he did, and
consequently he did not guess the extent of her self-control. It would
have been an immense relief to have opened her heart to him--and to whom
could she more safely do this than to a priest set apart from all human
entanglements?--and to have asked his advice. But Edith's peculiar
strength--or was it the highest womanly instinct?--lay in her
discernment of the truth that in one relation of life no confidences are
possible outside of that relation except to its injury, and that to ask
interference is pretty sure to seal its failure. As its highest joys
cannot be participated in, so its estrangements cannot be healed by any
influence outside of its sacred compact. To give confidence outside
is to destroy the mutual confidence upon which the relation rests, and
though interference may patch up livable compromises, the bloom of love
and the joy of life are not in them. Edith knew that if she could not
win her own battle, no human aid could win it for her.
And it was all the more difficult because it was vague and indefinite,
as the greater part of domestic tragedies are. For the most part life
goes on with external smoothness, and the public always professes
surprise when some accident, a suit at law, a sudden death, a contested
will, a slip from apparent integrity, or family greed or feminine
revenge, turns the light of publicity upon a household, to find how
hollow the life has been; in the light of forgotten letters, revealing
check-books, servants' gossip, and long-established habits of aversion
or forbearance, how much sordidness and meanness!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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