“Oh, I hope not; your friends wouldn't like that. There is no place
like New York, I'm sure.” And there was a real note of friendliness
and encouragement in her tone. “Only,” and she gave him another bright
smile, “I think of running away from it myself, for a time. It's a
secret yet. Carmen wants me to go abroad with her.”
“I have not seen Mrs. Henderson since her husband's death. How is she?”
“Oh, she bears up wonderfully. But then she has so much to do, poor
thing. And then the letters she gets, the begging letters. You've no
idea. I don't wonder she wants to go abroad. Don't stay away so long
again,” she said as Jack rose to go. “And, oh, can't you come in to
dinner tomorrow night--just Carmen--I think I can persuade her--and
nobody else?”
“I'm sorry that I have an engagement,” Jack answered.
“Well, some other time. Only soon.”
This call did Jack temporarily a world of good. It helped his
self-esteem. But it was only temporary. The black fact stared him in the
face every morning that he was ruined. And it came over him gradually
that he was a useless member of society. He never had done anything; he
was not trained or fitted to do anything. And this was impressed upon
him in the occasional attempts he made to get employment. He avoided as
much as possible contact with those who knew him. Shame prevented him
from applying to them for occupation, and besides he very well knew
that to those who knew him his idle career was no recommendation. Yet
he formed a habit of going down-town every day and looking for work. His
appearance commanded civility, but everywhere he met with refusal, and
he began to feel like a well-bred tramp. There had been in his mind
before no excuse for tramps. He could see now how they were made.
It was not that he lacked capacity. He knew a great deal, in an
amateurish way, about pictures, books, bric-a-brac, and about society.
Why shouldn't he write? He visited the Loan Exhibition, and wrote a
careful criticism on the pictures and sent it to a well-known journal.
It was returned with thanks: the journal had its own art critic. He
prepared other articles about curious books, and one about porcelain and
pottery. They were all returned, except one which gave the history of a
rare bit of majolica, which had been picked up forty cents and then sold
for five hundred dollars, and was now owned by a collector who had
paid four thousand dollars for it. For that the newspaper sent him five
dollars. That was not encouraging, and his next effort for the same
journal was returned. Either he hadn't the newspaper knack, or the
competition was too great.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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