"I'm afraid the child has no imagination," said her nurse.
"What a lucky thing!" said her mother.
Nor could Mrs. Ross's house be said to be a place that encouraged
fairies. They would have found the gilt chairs hard to sit upon, and
there were no mysterious corners. There was nothing mysterious at all.
And yet Nancy Ross, sitting in her magnificent clothes, was conscious as
she advanced towards her sixth year that she was not perfectly
comfortable. To say that she felt lonely would be, perhaps, to emphasise
too strongly her discomfort. It was perhaps rather that she felt
inquisitive--only a little, a very little--but she did begin to wish
that she could ask a few questions.
There came a day--an astonishing day--when she felt irritated with her
mother. She had during her walk through the garden seen a little boy and
a little girl, who were grubbing about in a little pile of earth and
sand there in the corner under the trees, and grubbing very happily.
They had dirt upon their faces, but their nurse was sitting, apparently
quite easy in her mind, and the sun had not stopped in its course nor
had the birds upon the trees ceased to sing. Nancy stayed for a moment
her progress and looked at them, and something not very far from envy
struck, in some far-distant hiding-place, her soul. She moved on, but
when she came indoors and was met by her mamma and a handsome lady, her
mamma's friend, who said: "Isn't she a pretty dear?" and her mother
said: "That's right, Nancy darling, been for your walk?" she was, for an
amazing moment, irritated with her beautiful mother.
III
Once she was conscious of this desire to ask questions she had no more
peace. Although she was only five years of age, she had all the
determination not "to give herself away" of a woman of forty. She was
not going to show that she wanted anything in the world, and yet she
would have liked--A little wistfully she looked at her nurse. But that
good woman, carefully chosen by Mrs. Ross, was not the one to encourage
questions. She was as shining as a new brass nail, and a great deal
harder.
The nursery was as neat as a pin, with a lovely bright rocking-horse
upon which Nancy had never ridden; a pink doll's-house with every modern
contrivance, whose doors had never been opened; a number of expensive
dolls, which had never been disrobed. Nancy approached these
joys--diffidently and with caution. She rode upon the horse, opened the
doll's-house, embraced the dolls, but she had no natural imagination to
bestow upon them, and the horse and the dolls, hurt, perhaps, at their
long neglect, received her with frigidity. Those grubby little children
in the Square would, she knew, have been "there" in a moment. She began
then to be frightened. The nursery, her bedroom, the dark little passage
outside, were suddenly alarming. Sometimes, when she was sitting quietly
in her nursery, the house was so silent that she could have screamed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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